So I think my rec league team hates me...

[technophile 0]

First and foremost: HUSTLE. This is easily the most important thing your teammates can see you doing. They WILL notice!

Yeah. One of the douchebags stopped skating halfway through the third (seriously stopped skating, he was coasting back from the blue line to pick up dump-ins and getting beat every time) and the guys on the bench were pretty pissed. I was still skating hard at that point. :)

Second big thing: communicate. Always be talking, and always be sure to ask for suggestions. If your line gives up a goal, talk to your linemates and D-men (and often the goalie, since he has a pretty good view of things).

Oh hell yeah. I was on the ice for a 3-on-2 where the center forward ended up snapping a high wrister past the goalie, and the first thing I did was ask the goalie if I screened him or if I should do anything differently. Turned out his glove got caught in his pads or jersey and he just missed the puck (he's stood on his head for the last few games, so I believe him). If I have a bad shift or make a silly error, I'm the first person to point it out as soon as I hit the bench, and ask for advice on how not to do that next time. I really hate making the same mistake twice.

I'm definitely not giving up on the game, I've got the bug bad and like I said I think my next moves are some power skating classes and a camp next year to work on some stuff; getting better when all you have is your own self at stick and puck is a lot harder than someone watching you and telling you what you're doing wrong and how to fix it! Thanks for all the encouragement everyone, seeing all these responses I think made a huge difference in my self-confidence yesterday and going forward.

[rollpride59 0]

ehh you just gotta shake stuff like that off. I get like that sometimes when i play with lesser skilled players on other lower level teams that i play for and lose sight that im just there to have fun and play hockey. At the end of the day im just upset that we didnt win. Just stick with it, playing at this higher level will help you grow into a better player. Also remember that hockey is also a mental sport where confidence is key so dont get down on your self and stick to your game!

[phomp 0]

I kind of see both sides of this. Normally I'd say that you are realistic in your abilities, enjoy playing, give it 100% and that should be good enough for your teammates.

That said, the team I play on now (intermediate level beer league) has one player who should clearly by playing at the novice level. She cannot catch a pass, cannot skate at a level that allows her to be involved with the play. I still pass to her when breaking out of the zone, but it is always a turnover. There is a lot of silent grumbling on the bench. She takes long shifts (since she doesnt really ever get tired :) ), and never volunteers to sit a shift in tight games....all of that is ok, she paid her entry fee and we want her to have fun and get better.

I'd be lying if I said that I appreciate playing the entire night on a penalty kill. It is physically tiring especially when you only get 10 guys showing up. Its pretty dam hard on the goalie too.

Theres been about 4 games this year when we had the players to match the other team. But instead of being a fun, close game, we got blown out because we're playing 4 on 5 for three quarters of the night...

I have to agree with the bold part and disagree with the rest (EDIT: Sort of, I guess you are not trying to justify not shaking hands but are rather seeing both sides of a player holding back the team, not the crux of the problem with the OP but fair enough).

It is hockey that is for the purpose of having fun. To me there is not many excuses to not shake hands with your own teammates in rec level hockey. If you have current issues/problems then I can see it but simply for the reason the OP stated it is certainly not one. I can see both sides of the story, but can not see why a teammate would not shake hands at the end of a beer league hockey game. (unless the OP left a part of the story out?).

The two teammates are being jerks about it.... even if the OP could barely skate - they are being jerks.

In your case, even with her taking long shifts and not being the best team player, do you shake hands at the end of every game? I would still shake hands with her but have the captain of the team have a chat about her long shifts. Being that it is rec league, everyone is paying the same amount of money and everyone should get roughly the same ice time... she is taking away from others by taking extra long shifts.

I hate to take someones shift in tight games, I was the leading point getter on one of our teams and it was not my shift in a close game, I do not want to be the guy to go out and take someones shift... the guy tried to put me out instead of him, to which I said I do not want to take his ice time (we all pay the same amount right....). He said he was not comfortable with going out and insisted (even claimed a small injury), so I did end up going out.. and have declined other times. Unless it is a situation where it is playoff's where we can prolong the game by getting to overtime or getting to the next game. In that case, you may get everyone more ice time. But in a regular season game with no ramifications and no chance to get everyone more ice time, forget it.

[pittu 15]

I am no way condoning the lack of class shown by people who would refuse to shake hands or be rude to people just because they arent as skilled. I am far from one of the "chosen ones" when it comes to hockey skill.

I try to set her up whenever I can and always complement her when she has a good shift. Thats just being a human...but I'd prefer to play 5 on 5 hockey, its just alot more fun...

I think we agree on most of this. Basically my opinion is that if there is a novice league, that is where novice players should play. In the OP's situation, that may or may not be the case, IDK.

[rfm1237 0]

I've got a couple of guys on one of my teams that are relatively inexperienced. I'd suggest the following.

1. Move to Wing on your proper side. If you're playing over your head, you're going to continue to get smoked on D. An overmatched d-man will not only give up the obvious goals (getting burned while everyone is watching), but can also severly disrupt the flow of the game if they make bad plays in the defensive end. Kinda sucks the fun out of the game a bit for your team when that happens. At Wing your responsibilities and reads are much, much simpler in the defensive end and mistakes aren't quite so obvious or impactful (esp. at the rec level).

2. Learn to breakout (really well). Like I said, we've got a couple of guys who are very ineperienced so we match them up with two decent forwards. Key thing for them is to really learn to break the puck out of the zone. It's doesn't take a ton of skill or time to learn the basics here. If you get to the spot early, practice receiving the pass up the boards and hit the center curling (or chip it out) and you're ahead of 90% of the slackers out there and your D and Forwards will notice and appreciate this.

3. Forecheck/Backcheck- Every team needs a grinder or two. You may not have the experience to be the best player on the team, but there is absolutely nothing stopping you from being the hardest working. Forecheck and backcheck like your life depended on it. Again, if the guys on your team a true hockey players they'll notice it, appreciate it and will help you get better. If not, go find better guys.

Lastly, dont forget that everyone on your team (and everyone on this board) has played over their heads at one point or another in their hockey career. It's not always fun, but it will make you better.

[vectoranalysisgo 3]

I've got a couple of guys on one of my teams that are relatively inexperienced. I'd suggest the following.

1. Move to Wing on your proper side. If you're playing over your head, you're going to continue to get smoked on D. An overmatched d-man will not only give up the obvious goals (getting burned while everyone is watching), but can also severly disrupt the flow of the game if they make bad plays in the defensive end. Kinda sucks the fun out of the game a bit for your team when that happens. At Wing your responsibilities and reads are much, much simpler in the defensive end and mistakes aren't quite so obvious or impactful (esp. at the rec level).

2. Learn to breakout (really well). Like I said, we've got a couple of guys who are very ineperienced so we match them up with two decent forwards. Key thing for them is to really learn to break the puck out of the zone. It's doesn't take a ton of skill or time to learn the basics here. If you get to the spot early, practice receiving the pass up the boards and hit the center curling (or chip it out) and you're ahead of 90% of the slackers out there and your D and Forwards will notice and appreciate this.

3. Forecheck/Backcheck- Every team needs a grinder or two. You may not have the experience to be the best player on the team, but there is absolutely nothing stopping you from being the hardest working. Forecheck and backcheck like your life depended on it. Again, if the guys on your team a true hockey players they'll notice it, appreciate it and will help you get better. If not, go find better guys.

Lastly, dont forget that everyone on your team (and everyone on this board) has played over their heads at one point or another in their hockey career. It's not always fun, but it will make you better.

I was going to post almost these three points exactly. I don't often have much expertise to offer around these boards but this is a situation I'm in from time to time and have had to work it out for myself.. sometimes because I'm one of the weaker skaters on a team by virtue of only having started playing a few years ago, sometimes because I'm the only girl on the ice, sometimes both. There have been times when I really felt like guys hated having me there, and of course the reality was they didn't mind at all.. and other times they really did resent my presence. It really didn't matter what they thought, though, to the extent that I can only control what I do with my own play- being smart with the puck, playing the position well and hustling.

How the other guys felt about having me on the team almost became irrelevant- sure I didn't want to play with people who didn't want me there, but if I was stuck with a group 'til the end of a season, there wash't much I could do. The point is that it doesn't matter whether your perceptions are true or whether you're imagining things or exaggerating reality.. you can only decide yourself to get the most out of your time on the ice, to have fun and challenge yourself to get better. Certainly it's important to find a league that's appropriate for your skill level and it can be almost rude in some ways to insert yourself into teams or situations where you simply don't belong, but this doesn't sound like that at all, and in some circumstances people don't always have a lot of options (as I sometimes find my choices to be a- too slow or b- a little too fast, so I pick too fast).

Sometimes all you can aspire to is to not be a liability on the ice, if you find yourself well over your head ability-wise. If the rest of your team knows that's your conscious goal, through both your words and your actions, you'll earn respect from those it's worth earning from.

The thing I wanted to add to the three points above, though, is this: the point about playing forward instead of D is a good one, especially if you're really out matched at this level of play... BUT, I would caution being persuaded away from a position you like just to avoid being that liability. I'm not sure from your post if you really have a preference, but if you really do like playing D, ask to play a few shifts at D, (if that doesn't screw up lines) or maybe one period of each game, because hey- you paid for the ice time and you deserve the chance to learn. There will be those awful, conspicuous moments where you get beat, but every time that happens, your brain and your muscles are learning how not to get beat next time. If you're giving up a goal every shift, this isn't really feasible, but I'm suggesting if you do like playing D, don't let yourself be swept away to forward at the expense of ever developing those defensive skills that a lot of people shy away from, especially if you feel an affinity for the position. I say this as a defenseman myself- I started out playing wherever I was needed but over time really felt more natural on D, but that meant I was in a more critical position a lot of time when I was first developing those skating legs and I had to handle a lot of awful 2 on 1s and 1 on 1s in order to get to a point where I am comfortable playing D in leagues that are still a little challenging for me. It's more about knowing where to be, when to get there, and knowing your own limitations enough to back out of the offensive zone a little earlier to avoid letting guys get behind you, for example. I know a lot of women who are swept into that "third forward" role on a lot of co-ed and beer league teams and they pretty much plateau there... because the other two forwards can pass to them now and again but otherwise play around them... don't let that happen, you'll regret it.

[technophile 0]

I'm not, on balance, a liability to the team; I'd say I'm neutral in terms of benefit vs liability most games, with occasional really good and really bad games. I'm certainly not any more of a liability than 2 of the other 3 regular defensemen.

I have asked, and they seem happy with me back at D, and I'm fine with that (I don't have a huge preference for any particular position, although I'd be way out of my depth as a regular center). I tend to be a defensively-minded player anyway (thus the large number of 2-on-1 and 3-on-1 rushes I end up defending ), so D suits me fine. My breakouts are decent and getting better (timing those stretch passes for the forward breaking behind their D is tricky, but we had a sub last game and he mentioned several times that I was making good plays in our own zone), so I think I'm all right in that department.

Last game was definitely better, we ended up tying, someone brought beer, so we sat around in the locker room for a bit having a drink. I think that may be part of the difficulty here -- these guys all have known at least a few other guys on the team for 20+ years, and I'm totally new. Without the post-locker room bonding that you get with after-game drinks etc, it's hard for them to see me as anything as an outsider, which I think leads to a lot of the frustration. I think I'll pack in a case a couple more times this season and things should continue to improve.

Thanks for all the tips and support!

[wrangler 157]

If they see you as an outsider because they didn't grow up with you, that's their problem. Good folks are generally open and welcome new friends, as was evident with the MSH crew at WF.

[Hallsy86 0]

Hey Techno,

I currently play in both the County and Oval leagues in SLC. I've been a goalie my whole life and switched to forward this season. I'm definitely one of the weaker guys on my teams and do a lot of dumb things because of my inexperience but both teams have been great. If you ever want to skate in one of the leagues down here let me know and I'll try to help find you a team. One of my teams is managed by a guy who has a team in every division in the oval league and is a great guy.

[technophile 0]

If they see you as an outsider because they didn't grow up with you, that's their problem.

I didn't mean "outsider" in a bad way necessarily; aside from the one incident they've been fine. I just mean compared to someone you've known for 20 years, any new guy is going to be received a little differently. And it's easier to say "aw, that guy just had a rough game" and not get frustrated when you've played with someone several times before and you know their skill level.

Hey Techno,

I currently play in both the County and Oval leagues in SLC. I've been a goalie my whole life and switched to forward this season. I'm definitely one of the weaker guys on my teams and do a lot of dumb things because of my inexperience but both teams have been great. If you ever want to skate in one of the leagues down here let me know and I'll try to help find you a team. One of my teams is managed by a guy who has a team in every division in the oval league and is a great guy.

Awesome, I might take you up on that come next season. Mind PMing me your e-mail?

[theGhost 0]

If there's a better situation available, there's no reason not to jump on it. If there isn't a better situation available, just stick it out and do what you do until you can get out on your terms.

This. Maybe try a different team or league after this season ends... If it gets too bad maybe say something to the guys and let them know you'd be happy to meet them for stick time so they can help you improve... Ghost