Motivating kids

[gman 0]

If this has already been discussed, I am sorry. Please direct me to the threads, as I did not find anything when I did the search....

How do you balance trying to encourage and motivate kids while avoiding the dangers of becoming an overbearing parent and causing burnout? I know from my own childhood that I occasionally needed a nudge to keep playing my sport.

At young ages, in my experience, kids generally do not really know what they want and are very flighty with what they think is exciting. My son was absolutely passionate about hockey and was constantly in his skates and constantly had a stick in his hand. Now if he is not at the game, he does not even go near the gear.

I have been laying back to avoid puting too much pressure on him. But when should I push a little harder?? I understand taking breaks between seasons, and off season training, and crosstraining and all that... We went through a similar pattern with soccer where he quit completely, and I am really hoping it won't happen again.

[UMWhockey 0]

the biggest motivation for kids to play sports is based on how much fun they are having. All it can take for a kid is one bad coach who forgets that hockey is supposed to be a game and a lot of fun for the kids. If you son doesn't seem that interested in hockey right now, don't push him, but try doing some fun hockey related things with him such as knee hockey or going to a stick and puck and doing nothing but play games the whole time. Try to bring the fun back into hockey because i think we can all agree that we love to do things that are fun.

[Hockeyman9621 0]

I really started to like hockey when I was younger and played mini sticks with my dad and older brother. Try playing mini sticks with him.

[jrphantom042 0]

As a kid. i don't like to get pushed, but i need one once in a while. try playin hockey video-games with him or mini hockey or a different type of hockey then what he is doin right now. like if he plays ice hockey, have him play roller or something,like a little ajustment to a different form of hockey doesnt hurt.

[Jason Harris 31]

Do you want him to play sports simply because organized sports is good for a child emotionally and physically, or do you see 'potential'? If it's the latter, I could see a very fine line between prodding and burnout, and unfortunately I don't have input. If it's to help him learn social skills, have fun, develop coordination and fitness, then sometimes Father Knows Best.

My older daughter hated hockey and used to complain to my wife, "Daddy makes me do it!" (At least until she popped in two on Bill Ranford at the Air Canada Centre and started liking hockey, but that's a whole other story.... :D ) The truth is she was right, mainly because both daughters are free since I coach, plus the younger daughter really loved hockey. So we essentially had the following talk with her:

"We've seen a lot of studies that show that children who play sports end up doing better at school and their job, so the truth is you're going to play sports as you grow up. Maybe it won't be hockey, maybe it won't be soccer, maybe it won't be baseball -- we'll let you try different sports -- but you will play sports, so you might as well learn to like them."

And that's exactly what has happened. The only thing we now have a tough time getting them to do is give their best effort. I've tried to convey that the games become more fun when they try harder. However, I sometimes think they like the "showing up and being with friends" part more, but maybe that's better than a kid who's ultra-competitive and gets distraught every time he misses the goal.

[gman 0]

He is actually very athletic and social already. I cannot really say I think he has "potential" as we live in B.F.E. in terms of hockey and he started the game kind of late it seems (he is 11 now). He is one of the top producers in his league, and his coaches just love to work with him, but again the league is nothing really to scream about.

I want him to play some sport and I think that a team sport is better for a kid. I played tennis from the age of five up through Division II college and finally hung it up when I was 22. As far as learning life skills, I think that a team sport like hockey is way better than an individual sport, and certainly better than X-box, game cube or play station.....

Thanks again for the advice. Any more thoughts??

[NashvillePreds 1]

chain him to a tree until he digs a 5 ft hole in your backyard...then tell him if he doesn't stick to hockey he's going to be doing that for a living, that should do the trick.

[gman 0]

chain him to a tree until he digs a 5 ft hole in your backyard...then tell him if he doesn't stick to hockey he's going to be doing that for a living, that should do the trick.

Ironic you suggest this. He loves digging. He and his little brother dig huge holes in the one area of the back yard that is not grassed in. The holes are big enough for them to stand in to their shoulders, and more than a wingspan across. Actually quite nice foxholes now that I think of it. Of course I am sure that if he "had" to dig, he would hate it.

[gavin 0]

Exactly. If you tell him he "has" to get out on the pond and shoot pucks in the morning, he will stop. If he sees you having fun out on the pond in the morning, he's going to want to play with you/get better at his game. Even kids that can motivate themselves with dreams of the NHL might burnout. But if you can motivate him with a lifelong passion for the game, he will never lose that, and he will get better quicker.

[thejackal 46]

Nice to see a fellow tennis player on MSH. Personally I alternate between hockey and tennis and whenever I get brunt out for one, it's usually time to start playing the other, so it's all good.

[gman 0]

Nice to see a fellow tennis player on MSH. Personally I alternate between hockey and tennis and whenever I get brunt out for one, it's usually time to start playing the other, so it's all good.

Did (do) you play college? After college it took about eight years before I could even look at my racquets again. It was seven before I could watch a match. When it was finally time to play again it took me two days to find my sticks. This is precisely what I do not want to have happen to my son(s) with hockey.

[HotBacon 0]

Nice to see a fellow tennis player on MSH.  Personally I alternate between hockey and tennis and whenever I get brunt out for one, it's usually time to start playing the other, so it's all good.

Did (do) you play college? After college it took about eight years before I could even look at my racquets again. It was seven before I could watch a match. When it was finally time to play again it took me two days to find my sticks. This is precisely what I do not want to have happen to my son(s) with hockey.

The same thing happened to me...I quit cold turkey for 5 years after graduating college. I didn't touch my equipment (except to move it), didn't watch games on TV, didn't want to go see games in real life. I'm not sure if its because I was burnt out or depressed that there was nowhere else to go but "beer league". Either way, I'm very interested in this conversation as I'll be wondering the same thing before too long.

[thejackal 46]

Nice to see a fellow tennis player on MSH.  Personally I alternate between hockey and tennis and whenever I get brunt out for one, it's usually time to start playing the other, so it's all good.

Did (do) you play college? After college it took about eight years before I could even look at my racquets again. It was seven before I could watch a match. When it was finally time to play again it took me two days to find my sticks. This is precisely what I do not want to have happen to my son(s) with hockey.

I'm playing high school next year in Vermont. Right now I'm training to try to get a top 50 U18 ranking in quebec.

[gman 0]

I'm playing high school next year in Vermont. Right now I'm training to try to get a top 50 U18 ranking in quebec.

Wow, good for you. Are you looking at trying to play college? I never had a chance to play in Canada. I grew up in Wyoming and played the "Intermountain section". I was stomping around the same time as Andre Agassi. We were in the same division but obviously not in the same "league". ;)

[johnson74 0]

One thing that worked for me was having two main sports with the overall emphasis being on hockey. I played tennis to develop hand/eye coordination, footspeed, and conditioning between seasons. I started playing hockey when I was four and it was always my true passion. However, in middle school I needed a sport to play in the off season, I chose tennis (found baseball, track and golf to be boring). I wish I had played more soccer or had lax growing up. I really enjoy tennis as well but everything was centered around hockey. I tried many sports throughout my childhood but always wanting to be good at what ever I do, I had to concentrate on the two. As long as your son is still active in sports there will be some carry-over of skills no matter what the sport.

Also, as others have said it has to be FUN! Hockey camps are really fun, shinny hockey or street hockey with friends is fun, summer hockey leagues are fun. Encourage and be supportive but don't push too hard. I, too, as others have said had to take a few (about 3) years off after college. I think there was a bit of burnout. Now (in my 30's) I am back at it in full force, coaching a college club team, playing in the men's league as well as drop in sessions nearly every week. I also get out on the tennis courts when I can. Gotta love sports especially the greatest sport of all-hockey! Good luck!

[thejackal 46]

I'm playing high school next year in Vermont.  Right now I'm training to try to get a top 50 U18 ranking in quebec.

Wow, good for you. Are you looking at trying to play college? I never had a chance to play in Canada. I grew up in Wyoming and played the "Intermountain section". I was stomping around the same time as Andre Agassi. We were in the same division but obviously not in the same "league". ;)

I like tennis for the sport itself more than hockey. But hockey is fun when you're hanging with friends on the team. Tennis is just too hard mentally at times. I'm prolly not playing college. Maybe teach as a summer job. Maybe my (future) kids will have a shot, but i started too late.