Dilemma

[shotty 7]

backstory:

spring season starts in less than a month. this team was built around 8-9 guys and the rest are new. the response to join the team was overwhelming. so much that i ended up with a spares list 11 players deep and three backup goalies. one guy from our previous team who we didnt think would be interested, ended up wanting to play, but at that point the roster was full, so i offered him a spot on the spares list, which he accepted.

on saturday, one of our teammates passed away in a freak accident. he was an amazing guy in very many ways and will be missed hugely. i was really looking forward to introducing him, especially, to the guys who never met him because he is truly an infectious person. not to take away from the rest of the team, but his social impact is felt immediately.

so, being that he died, there's a spot on the roster that is open. i invited the guy who was going to be a spare. he immediately accepted, and i immediately felt this overwhelming guilt. i know i cant leave the spot open just "because", but i also feel like i need to tell the new guy why and how the spot opened. just not sure how to word it, or if its even necessary.

help.

[sitzlejd 0]

I don't think you have an obligation to tell him or would do him a disservice by not telling him. If I was him and you told me, I would say, "Huh, sorry to hear about your friend." and that would be it. Are you trying to make him really value the spot or something?

And I am sorry to hear about your friend btw. That really sucks.

[furlanitalia 1]

As I'm on the team and know that guys will be going through a grieving stage I think it would be only fair to the new guy to know why his spot opened up. I never met Dan but have only heard great things about him, and know that some of his close friends might have a hard time at the start of the year if his death keeps coming up. Not to put it behind us and forget about it, but for some it may be hard to enjoy a pass time that was shared with a close friend if they are constantly reminded of it. It's probably best if everyone knows the situation in advance to the season, especially if teammates are having a tough time with this.

Either way you should not feel any guilt over what happened.

I don't think you have an obligation to tell him or would do him a disservice by not telling him. If I was him and you told me, I would say, "Huh, sorry to hear about your friend." and that would be it. Are you trying to make him really value the spot or something?

And I am sorry to hear about your friend btw. That really sucks.

That's not the case at all here, I think its more of a courtesy so that he isn't insensitive in the room or isn't caught off guard by it. A couple guys on the team were pretty close to Dan and I have a feeling it could be hard on them if someone comes in who isn't aware of the situation.

[shotty 7]

That's not the case at all here, I think its more of a courtesy so that he isn't insensitive in the room or isn't caught off guard by it. A couple guys on the team were pretty close to Dan and I have a feeling it could be hard on them if someone comes in who isn't aware of the situation.

exactly. i don't want him to ask something in passing about how a spot opened up, and have it be awkward for him and the team and dan's friends, specifically his best friend.

i also don't want to devalue him by saying "you're on the team because a guy died" it seems insensitive in more ways than one. i'm trying to find an eloquent way of communicating the situation and the circumstances of his invitation not so that he honors the position, and it has nothing to do with making him valuing the spot... he's going to be the oldest and likely wisest, most mature person on the team. i just feel like he needs to know, and i dont want to put any burden or weird feelings in his head about it, nor do i want to simply avoid it because of what it is.

[furlanitalia 1]

Honestly, I'd just send the same email you sent yesterday to him but bcc it so he thinks it goes to the team. That way it's indirect and he won't think he's been singled out. I'm sure he'll put two and two together but this is probably the most inconspicuous and sensitive way to do it.