Jump to content
Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Slate Blackcurrant Watermelon Strawberry Orange Banana Apple Emerald Chocolate Marble
Reviews wanted! ×

AIREAYE

Members+
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    3436

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    10

  • Feedback

    0%

Posts posted by AIREAYE

  1. Posted · Report reply

    Best luck JR, we're all pulling for you.

    Anyone ever get overwhelming feelings of nostalgia, desire, longingness, and loneliness when thinking back to an ex gf? My first, and only, true gf and I broke up years ago (4, yes, years ago) but I've struggled ever since trying to adapt my life in a way where thoughts, feelings, or memories of her and I won't flood my mind and ruin my day. The worst part is facebook, I always see her in photos and she looks happy and shes out having good times and I see her with other guys and, to be honest, it makes me want to put a bullet through my head, but want her back even more at the same time. It's not that I lead a boring or depressing life, I just think the best way to sum it up is that whatever it is I'm doing I always seem to look in the rear view mirror of my brain and imagine how much better it could be.

    We dated when I was a sophomore in college, she was a junior in HS. Sketch, I know. Everything was awesome, but to make a long and really depressing story short I started drinking that year of college and going to parties and made mistakes with other girls. When wind of this comes back around I end up on the curb alone. For two or three years (it might even be four, not sure how I feel about it to this day) I murdered myself internally everyday for breaking someone's heart so badly. For betraying her trust, for the lies that came out of my mouth, everything that comes with hooking up with someone else and then trying to cover your tracks. Even to this day I get violent pains if I sit around and, for lack of a better term, day-dream about how everything fell apart.

    Her and I still live in the same area, except when she goes away to school. There are times we will talk everyday texting, but there are equal times where I will send a text and fret for the rest of the night until I give up and go to bed with all my hopes foregone. It truly is a sad state of affairs some nights. I stalked her so much that I defriended her (sorry to lose anyone not familiar with FB at this point) because I was pissing away my life looking at her profile and seeing pictures that would make me jealous, guys "writing on her wall", etc. etc. Again, sad state of affairs. While that has helped some, it has not changed the longing, the palpable desire to go out and start everything all over again with her.

    Before anyone tabs me as crazy (don't worry because I do already) the girl in question plays the role pretty well. When she is home for the summer we will go out drinking at the bar or her and I will chill at my apartment or one of our mutual friends', things along those lines. So she does give me hope, she does offer me a (albiet small) reason to keep trying. But sometimes I just think she is fishing, ready to catch and release when we get too close.

    I'm twenty-four now. I'm far removed from the sixteen year old boy who dated this girl. But my heart isn't.

    I started playing hockey again almost immediately after the break-up. I spent ten hours a week on the ice working on my game. I've gotten far better than even I thought I would, I used to be a plug in HS. Exceeded expectations in every way. Hockey literally is an escape, I treat it as such because it gives me a sense of superiority, and the more I realize I think many of the people I skate with (pick-up) despise me for it, but it's an outlet of frustration, anger, and self-hatred. Big ups to MSH, I joined the summer after we broke-up, and mining myself into another passion of mine, gear, ice, the sport itself is a seriously welcome respite from everything. I hope everyone knows how much of a solace it is to sign on and see someone quoting me in a thread or responding to a question of mine. It seriously makes me happy.

    The more I've forced myself to look at the situation the more I realize that parts of my emoting aren't under my control. As a Type 1 Diabetic (WOOT!) my emotions can get pretty out of control, especially when my blood-sugar is too high. Having your blood sugar fluctuate can really bring on a roller coaster of emotions, from the highest peaks to the saddest lows. I've decided to keep trying to get better at managing my blood sugars because not only is it important for my day-to-day life, but hopefully, to keep myself from getting to out of control thinking about Janna (yes, I name dropped her).

    When we first broke-up I was so sure that, someday, eventually, we would get back together. I would sit in my parents basement (summer after college) and sulk, but took solace, HEY, she's going to get back with ME. HEY, she loves ME. This thought dies little by little with each passing day, all some-one-thousand of them.

    I still go out, I lead a normal life, I even hit on girls and try and flirt with the ones out of my league, haha. It helps, but whether or not I get their number or what have you, every time my phone text chirps, I take a quarter second before looking because I enjoy the feeling I get, "Maybe this is Janna". I take a breath and look, it's not (it's usually no1 drft pck), and then the process starts all over again.

    Every single bolded line...I went through the same my friend. Don't think posting here is the best idea, but I'll do it anyways.

    You're not alone bud, if anything shoot me a PM and we can talk :)

    I was depressed this year too, I didn't have her and I didn't have hockey. Found out she kept jumping from relationship to relationship with other guys (none of which would ever treat her as well as I did, that much I take solace in) trying to fill a void. I felt used by her, I gave her so much and I felt that she didn't give back anything in return, I was just a plaything to her. I turned to alcohol and self harm.

    After a whole year of no communication (see the problem?) we finally sat down and talked. She told me what I needed to hear, that I was the only person she ever allowed completely into her life, her darkest and deepest. Real and true love at 16 gentlemen? It exists. I found out she almost went through attempted suicide one night after the breakup. I knew that she had some kind of emotional depression in her genetics and I found out from her that she has been going to professional therapy and taking anti-depressants all this time.

    Both of us were really fu**ed up this year, but she more than I. Maybe there will be one day where the guilt becomes too much for me, but ultimately I want her to be happy and I know that once she leaves that house-that-is-not-a-home and goes off to university in the fall, I will be relieved.

    Basically man, I know you have the strength to move on, maybe a change of scenery will help. And from this, also be grateful that she is safe and happy :smile:

    I have an unconventional method for you. Listen to music, it can be therapeutic.

    Please do me a favor and listen to Go Radio :smile:

    Stay strong bro. Chin up cause it's all gonna clear up.

  8. Posted · Report reply

    That's not what he's saying Drew, it's about safety; simple as that. Running at a group of crazy rioters shouting 'CHILL THE F*** OUT, THIS IS MY CITY' or even trying to reason with them would only get you a punch to the face or worse yet. They can't do anything about it except to demonstrate after the fact that they are displeased. Look at how many of the garbage collectors are youth. What are they gaining from picking up garbage personally?

    I agree with chippa.

  10. Posted · Report reply

    Amazing what you can find there. Bought a pair of Jofa 7500 elbows for my brother, had another member here buy a pair of Leafs colorway Franchises for I think $30 at the same store, you can find older Tacks gear, Jofa/RBK stuff we all love, Tackla, Eagle etcetc

  13. Posted · Report reply

    The 2011 CL has a different construction than the 2009. There's also a dual carbon bridge in the blade compared to 1 in the 2009. It's also heavier than the 2009 CL. As for the curve, the A.OVECHKIN is a stock option, not repainted or prostock or whatever; keep in mind too that this new Ovi curve is now equivalent to the Hall and Backstrom.

  16. Posted · Report reply

    Both sticks were brand new and uncut. I held them in my hand put the blade flat on the ground. You can do it with any stick. Try it with a Bauer 5 lie vs a 6 lie. I have been doing it for over 20 years. It was just rough estamites on each stick. You can't tell the difference to the .25 of a lie, thats not possible. The Zetterberg stick was considerably flat.

    Yeah see that's the thing, I'm sure you know but taking a Bauer lie 5, a Warrior lie 5 and some other random prostock lie 5 and they will all vary slightly. Then again there will be people who cut sticks etcetc and that really makes it more difficult to recommend lies

  20. Posted · Edited by AIREAYE · Report reply

    Just found out my friend has cancer...2 and half years left. Comes 1 month after another friend passed away form it and 5 months after my grandma did as well. This is fucking ridiculous...

    never take life for granted guys. ever.

    Stay strong starsfan

×
×
  • Create New...