A Hockey Joke

[DarkStar50 679]

Three nuns were attending a hockey game.

Because their habits were partially blocking their view, three men sitting directly behind them decided to badger the nuns hoping they'd get annoyed enough to move to another area.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said "I think I'm going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there."

Then the second guy spoke up and said, "I'm moving to Montana. There are only 50 nuns there."

The third guy said, "I'm going to Idaho. There are only 25 nuns there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, "Why don't you just go to hell, where there aren't any nuns!"

[Buzz_LightBeer 972]

Our goaltender was having a bad game last week, couldn't manage to stop a thing. After the game, a 13 - 1 loss, he took it pretty hard. He left the arena and jumped in front of a passing bus...

The bus went right through his legs, like everything else that night.

[nizmo 0]

Our goaltender was having a bad game last week, couldn't manage to stop a thing. After the game, a 13 - 1 loss, he took it pretty hard. He left the arena and jumped in front of a passing bus...

The bus went right through his legs, like everything else that night.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

[thorpedo26 0]

Our goaltender was having a bad game last week, couldn't manage to stop a thing. After the game, a 13 - 1 loss, he took it pretty hard. He left the arena and jumped in front of a passing bus...

The bus went right through his legs, like everything else that night.

i might have to use that joke thats awsome

[Storm 0]

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Doug stops him and asks,

"Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh" answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

[Super Star 0]

In court the other day there was a case regarding the custody of a small child.

The judge asked the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"

He replied, "No I don't want to live with her because she beats me!".

The judge then asked, "Do you want to live with your father?"

The boy stated, "No he beats me too."

Finally the judge asked, "where do you want to live?"

The child responded, "I want to live with the Montreal Canadiens!".

The judge asked, "Why do you want to live with the Montreal Canadiens?"

The boy exclaimed, "Because the Montreal Canadiens don't beat anybody!"

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about hockey. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ice between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "We've got all the referees."

[sabre09923 0]

2 kids were playing in their backyard outdoor rink. While they were playing, one of them was attacked by a pitbull (must've been one of Vick's dogs). The other boy, reacting quickly, took his hockey stick and rammed it down the pitbull's throat, killing him. The local newspaper found out, and the reporter came to the rink shortly thereafter to interview the boy.

"So, how do you like the sound of 'Flames fan saves friend from vicious animal'?" the reporter asks.

"But, I'm no Flames fan!" the boy says.

"Alright... how 'bout 'Oilers fan rescues friend from horrific attack'?" the reporter inquires.

"I don't like the Oilers!" the boy says.

The reporter, with an inquisitive tone, then asks, "Who do you like then?"

The boy puffs out his chest and says, "I'm a Maple Leafs fan!"

The reporter scribbled something into his notebook, said thank you, and left. His notebook read, "Redneck idiot kills family pet!"

[Smitty34 0]

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.

Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"

"No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."

[Super Star 0]

"Did you hear about the teachers hockey game?" Tie asked Robert.

"No, what happened?"

"No one moved the whole game."

"Why was that?"

"Apparently the puck was so dumb that nobody would pass it!"

[Super Star 0]

Two guys are sitting in a bar in Vancouver. They get talking and find out they are both from Sweden. They keep talking and one says "Where are you from in Sweden?"

"I'm from Ornskoldsvik."

"Me too!"

They keep talking and one guy says to the other, "Where are you from in Ornskoldsvik?"

" I'm from a place you probaly havn't heard of called Gidea.",

"Me too!"

"I can't beleive i'm sitting in a bar in Vancouver with a guy from the same part of town as me in Sweden! What school did you go to?"

The other replies, "I went to Gidea Central high school."

"Me too, I can't beleive this, What year did you graduate?"

"Umm, 1998."

"Holy crap, I graduated in 1998 too!"

Just then a guy walks in to the bar and says to the bartender. "How's it going?"

The bartender replies "It's going to be a long night."

The guy replies, "Why's that?" the bartender says

"The damn Sedin twins are drunk again."

[TBLfan 25]

hahahaha, that last one cracked me up. Keep them coming, some of them are pretty damn good.

[Chadd 916]

The Chicago Blackhawks of the last five years.

Spacek and a pick for Lyle freaking Odelein?

[Maka 0]

Two men from Calgary die and go to hell. Upon arrival, they are nothing but huge grins from ear to ear. The devil walks in and asks, "What's wrong with you two? Don't you know you're in hell?"

"Oh we know all right, but this is great! Nice and balmy compared to those cold Calgary winters we're used to," they reply.

After hearing this, the devil goes to the thermostat and cranks it even higher. He goes back to see how the two guys are doing, and he sees them laughing and having a great time!

"This is great, huh? Just like that beach vacation we always wanted!"

Frustrated, the devil returns to the thermostat. Instead of raising the heat even higher, he drops the thermostat to -50, thinking this change in weather will be sure to irk those two Canadians.

However, once he goes back to the two men, he sees them whooping and hollering even louder than before.

"What is wrong with you two! First you like it when it's hot, now you love it when it's cold?"

"Hell's frozen over! The Flames have won the Cup!"

[Cheesehead 0]

^ Ive heard that joke with the maple leafs and not Calgary.

I was watching Austin Powers: Goldmember last night and in the news report scene (where they report on Dr. Evil and Mini Me) there is a bottom line, sort of like on CNN. One of the things it says was "The Maple Leafs win the cup" :lol:

[Super Star 0]

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

"No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible", said the man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"

The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."

[tips09 0]

^ ive heard that one a few times man theres some good jokes in this forum

[jibby93 0]

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 22-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Toronto Maple Leafs jerseys. One quickly fired the harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Hab fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in blue and white beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat, too.

Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them, "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Leaf and Hab fans. I now have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know much about shark fishing, how's the bait holding up?"

[Super Star 0]

Mario Lemieux, Mats Sundin and Wayne Gretzky are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."

Addressing Lemieux first he asks, "What do you believe?"

Mario looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Hockey to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from Moscow to the bright lights of New York. I have devoted my life to bringing such joy to people who watch us and support their team."

God looks up and offers Mario the seat to his left.

He then turns to Mats Sundin, "And you, Mats, what do you believe?"

Mats stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Mats the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Wayne Gretzky, "And you, Wayne, what do you believe?"

"I believe," says Gretzky, "You're sitting in my seat!"

[Super Star 0]

Toronto coach Pat Quinn sends scouts out around the world

looking for a new centre to hopefully help win the Stanley Cup

for Toronto.

One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi centre who he

thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So, Pat flies to

Iraq to watch him play and is suitably impressed and arranges

for him to come over to the NHL.

Two weeks later,Toronto is down 4-0 at home against Montreal

with only 8 minutes left. Pat gives the young Iraqi centre the

nod to go on, and he puts him on in place of Sundin.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 8 minutes and wins

the game for Toronto. The fans are delighted, the players and

coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When he comes off the ice, he phones his Mum to tell her about

his first day in the NHL. "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I

played for 8 minutes today, we were down 4-0 but I scored 5

goals and we won. Everybody loves me; the fans, the players

and the media, they all love me".

"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your

father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped

and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters,

while you were having a great time".

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say, Mum, I'm so

sorry".

"Sorry!" says his Mum, "It's your damned fault that we moved

to Toronto in the first place!"

What do the Ottawa Senators and the Titanic have in common?

They both look good until they hit the ice!