Frustrations. How to get over it?

[FlyChicaga 21]

This week, I went to play open hockey at another rink than I usually do. I typically play with some high-caliber players, so I was a little frustrated playing with some less experienced players. Not because of their skill, but because I got nervous going into corners or how they couldn't "turn off" when coming at you to take the puck. It almost felt dangerous. Anyways, towards the end of the skate, an older guy who played pretty well had the puck in the offensive zone. I came up behind him for a sick lift, and my stick lifted up his and hit his bottom hand glove. It wasn't hard, it just was the way the stick moved. He proceeded to elbow me HARD square in the mouth. I didn't lose teeth, but I had a cut and a bad bruise.

I got pretty pissed off, and we had words back and forth. He came at me again later, and tripped me as I was skating into the zone with the puck. I got VERY pissed this time, and he dropped his gloves and grabbed me by the jersey unexpectedly. He told me "get on your knees or I'll knock your ass out." I definitely was in a disadvantaged position by the way he was grabbing me.

For the past two days I've been FUMING mad about this whole ordeal. I left hockey frustrated and feeling like a pussy for backing down from a fight. I'm not a big dude, but I do play a more grinding style of hockey, so I don't mind if there's some respectful bumps and shoves. But acting like this guy did really ticked me off.

How do you guys get over stuff like this? How do you keep morons like this from throwing off your game? I probably just need to get over it, but I'm looking back and wishing I would have stood up for myself more.

[Chadd 916]

I'm not a big dude, but I do play a more grinding style of hockey, so I don't mind if there's some respectful bumps and shoves. But acting like this guy did really ticked me off.

When you play "grinding hockey" at a pickup session against people you don't know, things like this happen. "Respectful bumps and shoves" don't exist if you don't know the other person and know what they consider "respectful". While he may have over-reacted, it sure sounds like you instigated it.

[kakos26 0]

yea when I play pick up its more for fun and about passing and having a good time. Then there are the guys that are hacking up and playing rough which doesn't make it any fun...

[FlyChicaga 21]

No, not hacking. I mean when you go into the corner for the puck and bump into someone, they don't immediately slash you and get pissed off. They realize you were going for the puck, and you just ran into each other.

If I have the puck and get "bumped off" because someone was going for it and ran into me, I don't get upset. I know it wasn't a dick move.

This guy got pissed off because I stick lifted him, and he decided to try and fight. I don't play competitive hockey anymore, because I have a career to worry about. It just ticks me off when someone decides they want to drop the gloves because it's OK to go to work with missing teeth and a black eye. That is not OK for me. To make me out to be a schmuck because of it, well that's been really pissing me off.

[Leafsrule16 5]

I agree with Chad. If your going to grind it out, take the bumps and bruises that come along with playing that style of game, if you dont want to deal with that, figure out something else. Although it may have been stupid, sometimes people can be rubbed the wrong way by that kind of thing. I can completely see where someone may be slightly ticked off at a stick lift during a for fun game.

[kakos26 0]

Yea you shouldn't worry about it, there are a lot of hotheads in the game of hockey. Some people just don't even like there sticks lifted and feel like its a threat or your out to get them. Just don't worry about it bro

[Chadd 916]

I can completely see where someone may be slightly ticked off at a stick lift during a for fun game.

A stick lift, no. A stick lift that gets the guy in the hands, yes.

[flyerman 0]

If I'm playing drop-in and I slash or "bump" someone inadvertently I immediately say "sorry man, my bad." Maybe you didn't have time to say anything before the guy elbowed you, so I could see how that would escalate. Sounds like this guy would have pounded you if you did try to fight him from the way you described it, and you made a decision not to go with him -- after all, it's just drop-in. So this is where you have to swallow some pride and try to let it go in your mind. Who really gives a shit anyway? Some guys are just like this on the ice. If you are not going to fight in this situation -- and I'm not judging you one way or another because I wasn't there -- then you just have to own that and remember why you play the game (to have fun, yes?) and that there will always be guys out there who want a piece of you if you rub them the wrong way.

If this is someone you are going to be playing with again, I would definitely take the higher ground, offer him and beer, and have a laugh about it. I have been in fights with guys during games who weeks later I share a brew and a good laugh. It's just rec hockey, and drop-in at that. Leave it on the ice and let it go. Take your frustration out on a punching bag or shoot 100 pucks if it's still bothering you.

[Bravada 442 0]

If it truly was nothing more than a hard stick lift into the hands, then yeah, the guy went too far in elbowing you.

I'm always a little reserved when I heard stories like this 2nd hand just because usually something else goes on that may not even register on your radar that had the other guy (or someone on his team) hot about it and then your additional action just escalated it to that point.

Either way, you're both wrong. You needed to pay more attention to the particular pickup that you were in and adjust your game to that level and that aggressiveness. That guy needs to, if he has a problem with you, turn around and be a man about it and say something or tell you to settle down because other guys are getting bothered by your playing style.

[sitzlejd 0]

If I'm reading the OP correctly, he lifted the guys stick which then hit his own hands, he didn't slash him with his own stick. I agree that pickup is usually more casual, but I'll definitely lift your stick in pickup and sometimes that can happen. You never can guage how hard someone else is holding their stick.

Did you say "oops" or "my bad" after it happened? Usually that can diffuse a lot of the tension. We all know how the blood can boil after something like that. A quick recognition of the gaffe can go a long way.

[Da Beez 0]

I'm not a big dude, but I do play a more grinding style of hockey, so I don't mind if there's some respectful bumps and shoves. But acting like this guy did really ticked me off.

When you play "grinding hockey" at a pickup session against people you don't know, things like this happen. "Respectful bumps and shoves" don't exist if you don't know the other person and know what they consider "respectful". While he may have over-reacted, it sure sounds like you instigated it.

I agree 100% with Chadd, when you are new you have to go easy on being an open hockey "grinder". The "get on your knees or I'll knock your ass out" might have been a bit excessive but jawing at a guy who is established at this session probably wasn't the best idea.

[sickwilly 37]

I think that the best thing to do is to get back out there and get a couple of fun skates in. It might help things feel "back to normal" more quickly.

It sounds like the guy was a real douche about it, from your description (especially if you didn't get his hands very hard). At most, your actions sounded like they may have deserved a second look or a "smarten up" from the other guy.

I always play really carefully and cautiously with a new group until I can see who the pricks are. It usually doesn't take long to figure it out. If that means staying away from guys, and letting plays like a stick lift or two go until I know, I do it.

[thejackal 46]

If I'm reading the OP correctly, he lifted the guys stick which then hit his own hands, he didn't slash him with his own stick. I agree that pickup is usually more casual, but I'll definitely lift your stick in pickup and sometimes that can happen. You never can guage how hard someone else is holding their stick.

Did you say "oops" or "my bad" after it happened? Usually that can diffuse a lot of the tension. We all know how the blood can boil after something like that. A quick recognition of the gaffe can go a long way.

agreed 100%. a lot of times I'd get ticked off after getting tripped at pickup, but if the guy apologizes right away that always calms me down a lot.

[Chadd 916]

If I'm reading the OP correctly, he lifted the guys stick which then hit his own hands, he didn't slash him with his own stick. I agree that pickup is usually more casual, but I'll definitely lift your stick in pickup and sometimes that can happen. You never can guage how hard someone else is holding their stick.

Did you say "oops" or "my bad" after it happened? Usually that can diffuse a lot of the tension. We all know how the blood can boil after something like that. A quick recognition of the gaffe can go a long way.

agreed 100%. a lot of times I'd get ticked off after getting tripped at pickup, but if the guy apologizes right away that always calms me down a lot.

That only works the first time for me. When it happens for the third, fourth, fifth time I start getting really pissed off.

[tareatingrat 4]

As far as being frustrated, I just vent to people I know. Usually that helps, then it just takes time to get over it.

Generally, I'm a pretty laid back player in terms of the rough stuff, and I rarely instigate anything. It's easier for me, though, as I've never played in a contact league, so I always try to go for the puck (in fact, I probably watch it too much) before the man.

A couple of times mistakes are made. In my league games (I play in a low division) half the time people can't skate and if they can, they have poor control of their sticks. That's why I wear as much equipment as possible. I can't count how many sticks I've had bounce off of my cage. I pay good money to play, no way in hell I'm going to pay unnecessarily with teeth and blood, too.

If I accidentally clip a guy or whatnot, I just stop playing and apologize. I recently caught a guy in the face after trying a stick lift and I knew I screwed up. Ref didn't see it, but I just stopped and asked if he was alright. I could tell he was pissed when he turned around, but after I said sorry, he just shook it off and gave me the nod. It's hockey, it's a physical game where you swing sticks around: Shit is gonna happen.

It's all for fun, and while I'm competitive as hell, no need to hurt anyone in what amounts to a pointless game.

However, when guys start taking liberties, I have no problems putting them in their place. Even from my knees, I would have made sure that guy didn't try that crap again.

[jcp2 2]

However, when guys start taking liberties, I have no problems putting them in their place. Even from my knees, I would have made sure that guy didn't try that crap again.

A lot of times, in my lower level league, one person's aggressive but fair play is another person's "liberty", and it's unclear to the hackee whether the hack from the knees to the knees from the hacker is instigation, retaliation, counter-retaliation, etc... Regardless of who is right or wrong, the fact of the matter is that you are down on the ground and hitting somebody who is standing up. Not a great position to be in to receive retaliation. It's just too easy to take a kness or stick or skate to the head or neck. As you've mentioned before, you have not played contact hockey and you are in a low level non-contact league, with others who have not played contact hockey. The hockey code of self-policing and limits on "okay" and "not okay" ways to get guys back is a lot weaker.

[HockeyPho85 0]

You did the right thing, You could hit a boxing bag or hit some pucks to vent it out. Like 40 Rapid fire slap shots. Those will be satisfying

[tareatingrat 4]

However, when guys start taking liberties, I have no problems putting them in their place. Even from my knees, I would have made sure that guy didn't try that crap again.

A lot of times, in my lower level league, one person's aggressive but fair play is another person's "liberty", and it's unclear to the hackee whether the hack from the knees to the knees from the hacker is instigation, retaliation, counter-retaliation, etc... Regardless of who is right or wrong, the fact of the matter is that you are down on the ground and hitting somebody who is standing up. Not a great position to be in to receive retaliation. It's just too easy to take a kness or stick or skate to the head or neck. As you've mentioned before, you have not played contact hockey and you are in a low level non-contact league, with others who have not played contact hockey. The hockey code of self-policing and limits on "okay" and "not okay" ways to get guys back is a lot weaker.

Yeah, I understand that. But I'm also fairly sure when somebody is trying to instigate something, or when they're just playing hard for the puck. I can tell you after the first shift who the prick on the other team is going to be, I think most people can.

I'm not saying he did the wrong thing, because as he said, he's not a big guy. If the guy doing that to me was huge, I might back down right then, too. It's hard to say when you're not in that exact position. Luckily, most people tend to leave me alone because of my size.

However, and again, I'm not saying he did the wrong thing, or is a "pussy" at all, as he put it. I really do believe it takes a bigger person to walk away (this is supposed to be fun, right?)...but it's more of a "do as I say and not as I do" thing, because I'd definitely be chirping at that bastard for the rest of the game asking him if he could back his words up when the playing field was even.

If anything, that guy was the pussy for threatening a guy on his knees. That's what I can't stand.

But I know the feeling, as there have been times where I've backed down because I didn't think it was worth it, and there have been times where I've dropped the gloves because somebody pushed me too far. Either way, I leave the rink pissed off that I pay for the privilege of that frustration.

Again, usually venting and giving it a couple of days helps.

[gxc999 7]

Say "to hell with it" and knock the guy out next time with a nice, clean check? I dono, I don't advise playing chippy at open hockey. That's what league is for.

[BenderHockey 127]

Say "to hell with it" and knock the guy out next time with a nice, clean check? I dono, I don't advise playing chippy at open hockey. That's what league is for.

Unless you are playing for a paycheck, playing chippy is always a dick move, doesn't matter if it's league or open. Just play clean and hard.

[highslot84 0]

You did the right thing, You could hit a boxing bag or hit some pucks to vent it out. Like 40 Rapid fire slap shots. Those will be satisfying

would recommend a older stick for that drill.. then you can really take it out on the pucks!