Ever feel under-valued on your team?

[mug25 2]

Just a rant — in particular for those of you who like me bust their butts to get better, show up for every game yet still aren't the most skilled on the ice?

Do you feel under-appreciated on your team? I'm not the greatest skater, I know my weaknesses on the ice, I know my strengths yet I am tied for the team lead in goals, assists, points (4g / 4a) one of them being a game winner yet sometimes I feel like BECAUSE I'm not the most talented player that I'm often looked over by some of the "better" players.

Thoughts?

[Chadd 916]

Sometimes people notice you more when you aren't there. Rarely do people comment on my performance after a game, but I usually hear about how much I was missed when I come back after missing a game. I don't "need to be needed" but it's nice to hear every now and then.

[mug25 2]

Sometimes people notice you more when you aren't there. Rarely do people comment on my performance after a game, but I usually hear about how much I was missed when I come back after missing a game. I don't "need to be needed" but it's nice to hear every now and then.

Exactly.

The one compliment I do get a lot is on my leadership ability. I'm the "A" but when the "C" is out for a game, I take over and apparently, I do a great job. Still nice to get recognized for good play.

[Wallzy41 9]

We never had designated captains on my hockey team(because the 3 captains were all Varsity only and I was on the JV squad my only year) but I only had 1 goal and was still considered the "Captain" of the JV team because of my attitude.

[goaliemanshark 6]

All the effing time.

Half of my beer league team couldn't even figure out what times our games are without me.

[technophile 0]

Yeah, it's awesome to be on a team where people recognize your efforts and say so, but it does seem to be somewhat rare. The team I ended up on this season, they don't seem to recognize (or perhaps value) defensive play at all. If you make a nice pass that leads to a goal (or almost does), you get a "nice pass", same with a sweet move on a breakaway. If the goalie flashes leather and makes a fantastic stop on a one-timer, we bang sticks on the boards and cheer.

Be the 1 on a 3 on 1 that gets broken up and turned up the other way for a good chance... nothing. Kill a 2 minute 5 on 3... it's like it never happened. I dunno if they take it for granted or just don't give a damn about defense, but I've literally never heard a defensive compliment (not just for me; for any defensive play) from them.

It's so much more fun to be on a team where everyone comments on the positive stuff; it's also more helpful, as at least then you can distinguish the things they think you're doing well from the things you're not.

What I would suggest is that you kind of lead by example; I always make a point of, when I get back to the bench, if someone made a good play, say so to them. Maybe they'll start following suit more often.

[IniNew 53]

Curious, how big are the teams you guys are on? We routinely play with no more than 9-12 people. Everyone gets plenty of ice time, and I've never gone a game without everyone commenting on how well each other are playing. Maybe there's too much going on on your bench?

[chippa13 1844]

It could be worse, the team that I'm on, we have been together so long that there's just abuse tossed around the bench and room.

[mug25 2]

What I would suggest is that you kind of lead by example; I always make a point of, when I get back to the bench, if someone made a good play, say so to them. Maybe they'll start following suit more often.

I definitely do that. I always say "good shift" when guys come off. For the most part, our team has good chemistry and the core players who return every season give props to one another. I try my best to acknowledge when players make good plays, no matter what position or situation they're in.

Curious, how big are the teams you guys are on? We routinely play with no more than 9-12 people. Everyone gets plenty of ice time, and I've never gone a game without everyone commenting on how well each other are playing. Maybe there's too much going on on your bench?

3 forward lines + 2 defensive pairs.

[theGhost 0]

Rarely do people feel like they are valued at the level they deserve. Start complimenting more often, it may change the dynamic of the team...?

[RussianDangler15 0]

This year I got moved to the first line then I got sick with a respiratory infection and missed two weeks. When I came back I got put on the third line and never got a chance. Recently at a tournament a kid with a shit attitude got benched so I got put on the first line. The result? 4 assists and a goal, but hey what do I know.

[technophile 0]

Curious, how big are the teams you guys are on? We routinely play with no more than 9-12 people. Everyone gets plenty of ice time, and I've never gone a game without everyone commenting on how well each other are playing. Maybe there's too much going on on your bench?

We're theoretically supposed to have I think 13 or so (not counting goalie), but we've never had more than I think 11 at a game. Several games we've had 7 or 8.

[IPv6Freely 2094]

Curious, how big are the teams you guys are on? We routinely play with no more than 9-12 people. Everyone gets plenty of ice time, and I've never gone a game without everyone commenting on how well each other are playing. Maybe there's too much going on on your bench?

We always have 11. Always. It's the most frustrating number to have.. hell at least with 12 you can have 3 sets of wingers and 2 centers. 11 means a floater, which is okay until you have a PK and all the lines get FUBAR'd.

As far as the topic, I never feel under valued because I'm the worst player in the league, let alone on my own team. I'm valued right about where I should be... the "well, he's trying at least.." guy. I try to make up for my lack of ability with some hustle... so at least they don't get TOO frustrated with me.

[tareatingrat 4]

If you need validation, either you're doing something wrong, or just playing with a bunch of douchebags.

Base your value on how much effort you put in, and objectively look at the contribution you make. Don't wait for compliments, earn some respect.

[Chadd 916]

Rarely do people feel like they are valued at the level they deserve. Start complimenting more often, it may change the dynamic of the team...?

Great post. We used too have some guys that were really negative until we talked about what it was doing to the team. Now there are guys who hang out all the time despite not knowing each other before joining the team.

[Apes44 7]

Great post. We used too have some guys that were really negative until we talked about what it was doing to the team. Now there are guys who hang out all the time despite not knowing each other before joining the team.

Couldnt agree more with you Chadd! Our team took some time to start valueing each other and now i consider a group of people more than 1/2 i didnt know a good group of friends!

I also think that there is a difference between being valued and a liability on the ice. Im sure your teammates enjoy having you on the team because you're still on the team! Now if you have players who are more talented and they are playing the PK over you, thats nothing personal, its whats really best for the team. Try to use that when you're practicing or working out as motivation!

[Katzenjammer 1]

This may be out of place here, but I thought I'd throw it into the mix for any young guys here who might need to hear this: men shouldn't look for "validation" of any kind, any where, from any one.

The man who is looking for others to "value" him is destroying himself. That sort of neediness is the surest way to become - directly and immediately - de-valued by those around him, for the simple reason that people sense instinctively when you need validation, and by an unwritten law of human interaction, will think less of you; moreover, now they are less likely to validate you (resent doing so even, because you seem to expect it), and even if they do "validate" you, they may well be doing so just because they feel sorry for you.

Moreover, that "neediness" transforms a man into a prime target for manipulation: by women, by friends, by co-workers, by bosses, et cetera.

Praise others truthfully and joyfully. Never expect anything in return; and even if you get it, discount it.

Do this ^ and you'll be brimming with a confidence you never knew you had; and it will be contagious. You'll soon wonder why you cared about whether anyone else "valued" or "appreciated" you - because now you'll no longer need it.

"Forget yourself. Focus on the game. Focus on others." This is the key to anything and everything.

[IPv6Freely 2094]

Now if you have players who are more talented and they are playing the PK over you, thats nothing personal, its whats really best for the team. Try to use that when you're practicing or working out as motivation!

If we're down one with 2 mins left, and it's my turn out next, I'll let the other RW go instead. I know my Div5 league is "for fun", but I also don't mind doing whats best for the team, either.

[technophile 0]

The teams I've liked the best, the policy was, if it's your shift next, you take the shift.

We also had a policy where if we went to a shootout, we went down the whole roster (over multiple games) before anyone repeated. One (playoff) game for a team I captained, we went 14 skaters -- the entire roster plus one -- before the game ended. It was awesome.

We're there to play and have fun, not to win at all costs. It's fun to take a shootout chance, it's cool to be out on a 3 on 5 or have a chance to be the sixth skater. These are not things you should be denied in rec league hockey for the sake of winning, in my view. After all, if not then, when?

Obviously everyone has their own standards there, and if you'd rather feel like you had a better chance to win than go out there and maybe feel like you didn't, then by all means sit... but I'm speaking for myself here. :)

[twolinepass 0]

When I played roller my linemate and I dealt with it a lot. Over the other line were better players but we would have games where we scored 5-6 of our goals but the other guys would take long shifts if the game was close.

[dwreckm 0]

I feel over valued. I'm well aware I'm the least talented person out of the guys I play with, and they're always letting me have the puck, passing to me for breakaways, setting me up for one timers, and generally just being extremely nice to me. Then again, the guys I play with are the greatest.

[chk hrd 164]

Sounds like you are insecure about yourself and need others to help you feel better about it and your play. It is nice to get compliments but don't expect them. The biggest compliment you can have is knowing that you are doing the job right. After about the squirt level most coaches stop gushing on about how great you did to help build your confidence. When you play at older and higher levels It is much better not to hear anything because if you do hear something it's usually the coach chewing your ass. Players, coaches and even some parents are alot smarter than you think and see alot more than you know. They know who is a work horse, who is flashy, who is mouthy and who is lazy. It all shows by how you approach the game and play it.

[Chadd 916]

Sounds like you are insecure about yourself and need others to help you feel better about it and your play. It is nice to get compliments but don't expect them. The biggest compliment you can have is knowing that you are doing the job right. After about the squirt level most coaches stop gushing on about how great you did to help build your confidence. When you play at older and higher levels It is much better not to hear anything because if you do hear something it's usually the coach chewing your ass. Players, coaches and even some parents are alot smarter than you think and see alot more than you know. They know who is a work horse, who is flashy, who is mouthy and who is lazy. It all shows by how you approach the game and play it.

When I was coaching I would regularly tell the kids that I comment on the negatives because that's the stuff they need to work on. If I'm not saying anything negative about your game, then you;re doing it right. The problem with that approach is that different players need to be handled differently. Some need positive reinforcement, some need to have their ass kicked and some just need you to talk to them like a friend. Anyone that wants to coach should be taking psychology courses or reading as much as they can on the topic.

[tareatingrat 4]

The problem with that approach is that different players need to be handled differently.

Ideally.

You have to be careful with kids. They need to know what they're doing wrong, and that not everything they do is special. There's nothing wrong with a pat on the back for a job well done, but we're a little too careful nowadays trying not to hurt feelings.

It really screws these kids up later in life when they realize everything they shit isn't solid gold like they were told it was.

[Katzenjammer 1]

Ideally.

You have to be careful with kids. They need to know what they're doing wrong, and that not everything they do is special. There's nothing wrong with a pat on the back for a job well done, but we're a little too careful nowadays trying not to hurt feelings.

It really screws these kids up later in life when they realize everything they shit isn't solid gold like they were told it was.

I've been told that's one of the biggest issues in coaching now.

It's becoming a large-scale management problem in corporations as well.