Hockey parent gone bad

[chippa13 1844]

I heard a great one at my beer league game last night. On the other team is a guy who is a sandwich shy of a picnic. Well, he had kids young and his 18 year old plays on his team. The kid is decent but nothing spectacular. The story, confirmed by a few different guys, has it that this guy kicked his kid out of the house earlier this week because he didn't feel he was working out enough.

[All Torhs Team 0]

That sucks, but isnt the legal age when your kid can leave is 18. Maybe the guy just wanted his kid outa the house and used not working out enough as an excuse.

Its silly but some people today can be really screwed up.

[ktang 34]

I've seen and heard things as a coach and hockey parent, but this is one of the worst stories. Good luck to the 18-yr-old, wherever he is.

I talked to my association about some incidents for these "potential NHLers", but the association could not take action because it would be just my word against another parent's. That was hard to accept.

And, you see the parents fighting in the stands and going nuts against their coaches. Luckily last year the stands were behind the players' bench, separated by plexy, so the kids couldn't see or hear much of the boorishness going on during the games. The years before the stands were opposite to the benches.

I played with a guy whose father pushed him hard. This turned him off hockey for over 10 yrs.

It seems to happen in all kids' sports, not just hockey; is there a reason or explanation for all this?

(When I playing as a a kid was most of our parents didn't attend the games because it was too cold; they dropped us off and picked us up.)

[All Torhs Team 0]

And, you see the parents fighting in the stands and going nuts against their coaches. Luckily last year the stands were behind the players' bench, separated by plexy, so the kids couldn't see or hear much of the boorishness going on during the games. The years before the stands were opposite to the benches.

Yea, I saw a parent fight a week ago at the Statewars Tournament.

I sorta thought that all of that stuff really blew over, but seeing it happen really hit me.

[pantherfan 0]

I saw it a couple of months ago when a figure skater and her father were argueing he kept on shouting about how he got out of bed for her to give no effort in at traing at all, he then left her at the rink and one of the rink staff took her home.

[LoXish 0]

When my dad used to coach my brother and I's team, we were in a playoff game it was tied at the very end of the game, my dad put a power line out that included my brother and I - not because we were his sons, but because we led our team in scoring by atleast 10 points each, this guys kid who was on our team FLIPPED OUT -- it's not like his kid was bad, and my dad played him a lot, but he just wasn't power line, clutch material.

Anyway, the bleachers are on the other side of the rink from the bench, this guy gets up, storms off the bleachers, down, around the rink and comes on the bench in the final minutes of the game and SCREAMS at my dad, he's like up in his face, yelling and screaming and my dad gets the rink manager to take him off the bench.

My mom was in the stands the guys wife was there too and she was freaking out, screaming and yelling and talking shit about my dad and about us and my mom was like... "excuse me, your husband is way out of line." -- she literally ATTACKED my mom, physically ran at her and was pulling on her blouse before other parents tore her off of her.

Needless to say, my dad didn't coach our team ever again, he was tired of that shit.

Also, I set my brother up for the game winning goal that pushed us over the first place team and into the final game where we slaughtered the other team. The kid who's dad flipped out wasn't at the final game, his parents wouldn't let him play.

Really sad.

[BK 0]

Its nothing new...

We had an issue with a player on our team last year who played Junior A in Canada. He wanted an education so came to our lowly team and was hands down the best player on the roster. His parents were livid when he chose college over the chance to get recruited by a good pay team. At least HE has a good head on his shoulders.

[xMenace 0]

I know a guy who left his 16yr old at the rink to walk home the 5km with his gear in the dead of winter because he broke a stick over the net in a Midget rec game. Seen lots of scary people and incidents tho.

[ktang 34]

That story about the figure skater is pretty disturbing, too.

We had a policy about playing all players equally (house league), so I put one of the (very obviously) weaker players on in the last minutes when we were down 2. His parents were thinking that he was a strong player, and that I was putting on a power line... so there is some perceptual distortions by the parents about their kids' abilities, too.

Maybe the conflicts between parent and kid occur when there is a clash between what the parent sees and what the parent thinks they should be seeing based on preconceived notions.

I think the fighting in the stands occurs partly because, as the (overly long?) season goes on, the parents react more and more emotionally to the game (hockey is pretty exciting). By the end of the season all the parents are acting more naturally because we are more used to each other, and then somebody goes over the line...

[hockeymom 2]

There doesn't seem to be AS MUCH of that parent nonsense in girls' hockey - perhaps because there isn't the NHL dream? Or perhaps parents have different expectations of girls, so they are more willing to let them have fun with hockey? Or maybe it is a pervasive sense that "that isn't done here" and anyone who steps over the line gets shut down before they can wind up?

Haven't seen any of the parent fights, but there were a few stories covered in the newspaper last year about parents fighting in boys hockey. I always feel sorry for the kid.

The cause is clearly mixing the lines with expectations and goals. I wonder who's goal is it anyway?

[chk hrd 164]

There doesn't seem to be AS MUCH of that parent nonsense in girls' hockey - perhaps because there isn't the NHL dream? Or perhaps parents have different expectations of girls, so they are more willing to let them have fun with hockey? Or maybe it is a pervasive sense that "that isn't done here" and anyone who steps over the line gets shut down before they can wind up?

Haven't seen any of the parent fights, but there were a few stories covered in the newspaper last year about parents fighting in boys hockey. I always feel sorry for the kid.

The cause is clearly mixing the lines with expectations and goals. I wonder who's goal is it anyway?

We had a girl on my son's team last year. Her father was the biggest lunatic you have ever seen. The orginization finally banned them from the league and they are not aloud on the rink premises. I have seen this guy do things that would make your head spin. I guess the final straw was when he (who is about 6'2, 210) threatened the team manager (who is all of 5'4, 115). The police were called on that one.

It's not just boys sports or competative sports. I see it more now days in every sport.

[hockeymom 2]

There doesn't seem to be AS MUCH of that parent nonsense in girls' hockey - perhaps because there isn't the NHL dream?  Or perhaps parents have different expectations of girls, so they are more willing to let them have fun with hockey?  Or maybe it is a pervasive sense that "that isn't done here" and anyone who steps over the line gets shut down before they can wind up?

Haven't seen any of the parent fights, but there were a few stories covered in the newspaper last year about parents fighting in boys hockey.  I always feel sorry for the kid. 

The cause is clearly mixing the lines with expectations and goals.  I wonder who's goal is it anyway?

We had a girl on my son's team last year. Her father was the biggest lunatic you have ever seen. The orginization finally banned them from the league and they are not aloud on the rink premises. I have seen this guy do things that would make your head spin. I guess the final straw was when he (who is about 6'2, 210) threatened the team manager (who is all of 5'4, 115). The police were called on that one.

It's not just boys sports or competative sports. I see it more now days in every sport.

Chk hrd - I didn't mean to imply the parent of a girl isn't a jerk - and there certainly are jerky parent's in girls' hockey - just doesn't seem to be as much.

I really intended to explore the expectations of parents. Your case of the biggest lunatic might be a case in point; unless there was no other viable alternative, the fact that they have their daughter in boys' hockey suggests that they have a different level of expectations about hockey and her level of play. Face it, the social environment of the game for a girl is vastly different in girls hockey as it is in boys hockey. I believe if you are considering BOTH - social experience and player development - you would put a girl into girls hockey.

That said, I've noticed SOME parents with both sons and daughters playing hockey are harder on their son than they are on their daughter. I think they have a different level of expectation.

The figure skater mentioned earlier - obviously that parent was expecting more than have fun and "do your best". He is expecting "be the best" and in a sport where there is a higher end goal (olympics) so there can be more pressure to "make it".

You're right that it isn't just hockey either or even limited to sports. Almost every area - from school to music to sports - is an arena for expectations to go awry. We're putting more and more pressure on kids - with a higher level of performance expectations - and for what? Who's goal is it anyway?

[chk hrd 164]

to many parents trying to relive thier lives through thier children.

[areed89 3]

I think lots of that mindset is more limited to the less affluent areas. I did some coaching with peewee age kids over the spring. The parents of the group weren't overbearing at all. My guess is it's because they know the kids are set financially anyway, and they don't need the "show" to make it big.

[Meathead 0]

It seems to happen in all kids' sports, not just hockey; is there a reason or explanation for all this?

(When I playing as a a kid was most of our parents didn't attend the games because it was too cold; they dropped us off and picked us up.)

Because this is the era of parents wanting their kids to have better than they had. I;d rather have a parent who pushes too hard then one who doesn't push at all.

[tsanga 0]

Because this is the era of parents wanting their kids to have better than they had. I;d rather have a parent who pushes too hard then one who doesn't push at all.

The stupidest sh!t consistently comes from your keyboard. Maybe it needs an exorcism.

[kosydar 0]

I've got the winner- A parent on the visiting team during one of my bantam games came onto the ice and choked the ref.

[biff44 0]

Seems like a pretty one-sided argument so far, with anyone who disagrees getting ridiculed.

So, why don't you guys all grow a pair!

Some whack job kid breaks a $150 stick over a goal and you want to, what, ask him how he feels about that??? What next, running his car thru a crowd of kids at school because he was taunted by them? Sounds like that kid needs some serious time thinking about his decision making ability and anger control, and a 5 km walk home is just the thing to do that! On top of that, a part time job to pay back the $150 would be in order!

18 year old not earning his keep, not working hard, talking back to his parents, out all night, stealing, drinking, drugs, etc. How do you know what the situation is? Dad probably set down some rules, and after repeatedly breaking them decided it was best for his kid to grow the heck up and learn what working for a living was about.

There are some whack job parents out there, but for every 1 that goes overboard on the tough side, there are probably 10 that go overboard on the easy side and spoil the kid. You are doing the kid no favors by going easy on him, making him think he is entitled to all the comforts imaginable, and then have reality hit him like a Mack truck.

If you need to be touchy feely about it, be there to support him psychologically when the world gives him a raw deal, like getting cut from his team, not getting into the college of his choice, etc. Show him that thru hard work he can improve his lot.

[ktang 34]

It seems to happen in all kids' sports, not just hockey; is there a reason or explanation for all this?

(When I playing as a a kid was most of our parents didn't attend the games because it was too cold; they dropped us off and picked us up.)

Because this is the era of parents wanting their kids to have better than they had. I;d rather have a parent who pushes too hard then one who doesn't push at all.

Yes, parents who are over-indulgent and want to be the kids' pals don't do them any favours, either. I think that the extreme ones on either end of the spectrum hurt their kids. But, these parents are doing it because they think it's good for them, not because they want to hurt them. Like Theo says, there is a middle ground; you have to push your kids a bit (my opinion).

What's disturbing about (my interpretation of) the initial story is that the 18-yr old is being evicted because he is not meeting performance or training standards, like being cut from a team... Imagine being tossed out because your goal-line to near-blue-line time is 0.3 seconds too long...

What's disturbing about (my interpretation of) the figure skater being left behind is the father's expectations about his daughter's abilities not being met by her... Imagine being shunned by your parents because you can't consistently land your quads...

[chippa13 1844]

Seems like a pretty one-sided argument so far, with anyone who disagrees getting ridiculed.

So, why don't you guys all grow a pair!

Some whack job kid breaks a $150 stick over a goal and you want to, what, ask him how he feels about that??? What next, running his car thru a crowd of kids at school because he was taunted by them? Sounds like that kid needs some serious time thinking about his decision making ability and anger control, and a 5 km walk home is just the thing to do that! On top of that, a part time job to pay back the $150 would be in order!

18 year old not earning his keep, not working hard, talking back to his parents, out all night, stealing, drinking, drugs, etc. How do you know what the situation is? Dad probably set down some rules, and after repeatedly breaking them decided it was best for his kid to grow the heck up and learn what working for a living was about.

There are some whack job parents out there, but for every 1 that goes overboard on the tough side, there are probably 10 that go overboard on the easy side and spoil the kid. You are doing the kid no favors by going easy on him, making him think he is entitled to all the comforts imaginable, and then have reality hit him like a Mack truck.

If you need to be touchy feely about it, be there to support him psychologically when the world gives him a raw deal, like getting cut from his team, not getting into the college of his choice, etc. Show him that thru hard work he can improve his lot.

Obviously you aren't on your own yet. No grown up person would try so hard to make it the kids fault when he was kicked out of his house literally for the reason I explained in the first post. I find it hilarious how some of you think its ok for parents to be such assholes to their kids.

[biff44 0]

Jeez, you are right Chippa, I should be more sensitive. Here, to help you out I found something that you would love to attend:

http://www.matthewbdahl.com/hippies.htm

[chippa13 1844]

Far from it. There's nothing wrong with disciplining your kid but there is something wrong with the parent who forces a kid to walk miles home, kicks out their kid who is heading into his senior year of high school. Folks need to stop trying to force their kids to live the dreams they couldn't, especially when its obvious the kid either can't or simply doesn't care to.

[biff44 0]

That is why you need a wife. Just when you think you are about to kick him out of the door, you go over to her and say "talk to the dufus for me"!

The sad truth is that there are PLENTY of great hockey players who had the world at their feet that blew it all off so they could party, screw around, not apply themselves as much as they should have, etc etc etc. Unfortunately, the system demands that 16-19 year olds act as professionals/adults, so that is the drill, they HAVE TO do it! There are few to none 2nd chances as you get to a high hockey level.

[chippa13 1844]

The world weeps for your children.

[biff44 0]

I do not know which one, scissors or soap on a rope for you! I am thinking the soap on a rope will get you arunnin'

http://www.devo.com/tft/hippie/tactics.html