Rehab

[shooter27 116]

So I've just found out that I have an immediate family member who is going to be heading to a rehab facility for addiction to some recreational substances. I was wondering if anyone out there has had the same/similar experience and if they had any advice to pass along. I'm really just trying to wrap my head around this whole thing right now and figure out how to react. I think I'm pretty damn angry, but I don't know if that will help or hurt the situation. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

[Rustpot 1]

If they went in of their own accord, be happy and supportive that they've recognized their situation and that they need help.

If they were forced in (court ruling, intervention, etc) then its a tough situation.

Either way it's going to be motivation and support that they need most. From my experience people forced into rehab are likely to relapse.

[chippa13 1844]

I wouldn't think you should be angry that a family member is entering rehab. That can only worsen the situation. If the person is genuinely trying to make a fresh start then support should be what they receive. I can only guess at how difficult it is to kick an addiction and the last thing you need is the hairy eyeball from bro/sis.

[Chadd 916]

You have no right to be angry, stop being selfish and either support the person or stay out of it entirely. Whoever the person is, will need support and/or help to some degree. For the most part anyone who want sobriety enough will find it as it's mostly a matter of self control.

[kilner 0]

Has anyone thought that he might not be angry for going to rehab, but angry at them for getting involved with drugs in the first place...

[Smitty34 0]

I can't imagine ever being in a situation like this, but I think the best thing you could do for the person is to be supportive and encouraging.

[Chadd 916]

Has anyone thought that he might not be angry for going to rehab, but angry at them for getting involved with drugs in the first place...

So what? Unless the person in question forced the original poster to take whatever substance as well, the anger is still pointless and selfish.

[kilner 0]

Has anyone thought that he might not be angry for going to rehab, but angry at them for getting involved with drugs in the first place...

So what? Unless the person in question forced the original poster to take whatever substance as well, the anger is still pointless and selfish.

No, putting yourself in a situation where you could die (i.e taking drugs, overdoses that kind of thing) is selfish. Its selfish on the people that are close to you as your not taking their feelings or anything else into consideration.

[shooter27 116]

Just to answer some of the questions posed and clear a couple things up:

1. The person in question was forced into treatment.

2. This is not the first time the person has been forced into treatment.

3. I'm not saying that I am angry, my point was more that my initial reaction is that I think I'm angry, but I'm really not sure how to react.

[pantherfan 0]

Help them through it, once it's all over if you feel the need, kick some ass but doing that now isn't going to help. At least the way I see it.

[Chadd 916]

Has anyone thought that he might not be angry for going to rehab, but angry at them for getting involved with drugs in the first place...

So what? Unless the person in question forced the original poster to take whatever substance as well, the anger is still pointless and selfish.

No, putting yourself in a situation where you could die (i.e taking drugs, overdoses that kind of thing) is selfish. Its selfish on the people that are close to you as your not taking their feelings or anything else into consideration.

That's still no reason for you to be just as selfish and put your feelings above their well-being. If it bothers you that much, distance yourself from that person. Being angry is just plain unproductive.

[Spreedizzle 1]

I went through this with my younger brother. Got to the point that my mother actually ASKED me to knock him out as he went through another fit of destructive rage going through the house destroying everything. The hardest thing that I have ever done was that day...knocked him along with 2 teeth out. By the time he came to the police were there at my mothers request taking him away.

2 weeks no contact with his family, limited visits for the next 4 (only at the rehab campus) and then 4 more weeks with open visits and he was released. I was never angry with him over the situation, more pity than anything else. I did feel immense sorrow and regret for what I had done to him (he still has a scar over his upper lip). Honestly, I supported him as did the rest of my family, and today our relationship is better than it EVER was growing up.

I think between the humbling "knockout" and then followed up by immense support is what strengthened our family so much. After what my family went through with him over 2 years.....just about anything can be thrown at us now and we all know that we will come out fine together.

My advice.....there is NOTHING that could go wrong by supporting your family in a situation such as this. Put your personal and selfish feelings aside for a little while and think only of your loved ones. You may gain a best friend that looks up to you for the rest of your life for your actions that you take currently.

Let me know if you have further or more specific questions with regards to the situation that my family went through.

[willsnipe 0]

Wow i cannot imagine having that as a last option to deal with a brother. That sounds like an incredibly tough thing mentally and physically to be asked to do.

[armada 0]

Unfortunately for me, every person that I know that was forced to rehab relapsed soon after. Rehab isn't going to do anything for you unless you actually want to make a change in your life. It can only tame the beast for so long. Be very supportive of them and do not be angry but instead try to show them a different lifestyle that they can get high on. Hockey is a good one.

[Spreedizzle 1]

Unfortunately addiction is typically a personality trait.....it is just a matter of what the addiction is. Luckily, my brother got off of the harder and "can kill you in an instant" drugs, but marijuana is still a part of his life. The good news is that the crazy, arrogant, animosity, and days of aggression due to his prior harder drug use is over, and part of his new addiction is the guitar. It is simply a matter of redirecting your addictions towards something else to use as a personal outlet.

[chk hrd 164]

Has anyone thought that he might not be angry for going to rehab, but angry at them for getting involved with drugs in the first place...

So what? Unless the person in question forced the original poster to take whatever substance as well, the anger is still pointless and selfish.

No, putting yourself in a situation where you could die (i.e taking drugs, overdoses that kind of thing) is selfish. Its selfish on the people that are close to you as your not taking their feelings or anything else into consideration.

That's still no reason for you to be just as selfish and put your feelings above their well-being. If it bothers you that much, distance yourself from that person. Being angry is just plain unproductive.

Anger is a feeling and you have a right to your feelings, right wrong or indifferent. For you, personally, figure out if and why you are angry and who you are angry at. As for your releative, DO NOT be an inabler. DO NOT make excuses for them. DO support thier recovery and help if you are needed or if you can.

Recovery is a long road with no guarantees. The person may come through or may flame out. If the person decides to go down the wrong road and continue abusing then you will need to make a very tough decision regarding your life. As long as they are using they are harmful to you and everyone around them and you may need to make the choice of keeping them out of your life until they stay clean.

[kilner 0]

distance yourself from that person.

Being angry is just plain unproductive

[chippa13 1844]

Not necessarily. If one feels that they cannot be supportive of the person and will only be expressing anger at him/her then the better course of action would be to stay away. There is no need to bring more stress into an already difficult situation.

[shooter27 116]

Everyone - I appreciate the responses.

Speed - I especially appreciate you sharing your experience, mine is very similar but I ended up short of having to resort to physicality.

I think at this point I'm just going to have to distance myself from the person. I agree that getting angry at them and berating them is unproductive, but I just don't think I can be truly supportive given the number of times this has happened and the opportunities that have been afforded to the person in question.

[Chadd 916]

distance yourself from that person.

Being angry is just plain unproductive

You're one of those guys who think all the stuff in the Alannis Morissette song was actually ironic too, aren't you? It's entirely possible to be completely rational and unemotional and come to the decision that further involvement with the person is going to continue to create uncomfortable situations. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and time spent trying to make that person change is largely wasted.

[kilner 0]

Not necessarily. If one feels that they cannot be supportive of the person and will only be expressing anger at him/her then the better course of action would be to stay away. There is no need to bring more stress into an already difficult situation.

So its selfish to be angry, but acceptable to not have anything to do with them and give any support to them, because if they keep getting into this shit then its quite obvious they need all the help they can get.

Glad you're ok with having that on your conscience cos i know for a fact i couldn't.

distance yourself from that person.

Being angry is just plain unproductive

You're one of those guys who think all the stuff in the Alannis Morissette song was actually ironic too, aren't you?

Cant comment cos i dont know who your on about.

It's entirely possible to be completely rational and unemotional and come to the decision that further involvement with the person is going to continue to create uncomfortable situations. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and time spent trying to make that person change is largely wasted.

No harm in trying though eh? Maybe abit of support from someone close might be all that they need to get back on the straight and narrow. I know someone that needed it and when they got it, it got them off the booze. Who says it wont work for this fella?

[lampliter87 8]

Kilner, watch and learn:

Lay off while you can. This isn't helping the original poster.

[kilner 0]

Kilner, watch and learn:

Lay off while you can. This isn't helping the original poster.

Still no more the wiser with that song and what ever Chadd was on about, never mind though....

Im just trying to argue my point, thats all ;)

[LkptTiger 1]

Chadd is right - at this point, all you can do is move-on with your life and hope that the other person sorts his/her shit out. Time spent trying to help someone who can't/won't help themselves is not only wasted, its detrimental to your own mental health. My father is/was a complete and total lunatic...and, growing-up, a lot of his bullshit was pushed onto me and I was a huge headcase. It wasn't until we (my mother, brother and I) took out a restraining order against him and he went back to where he had grown-up (a few states away) that I was able to stabilize, sort shit out and get my act together.

Chances are, if this is the second or third time this individual has put him/herself in this situation, you've offered your support in the past, and your family member let you down (NOT the other way around). If you continue to invest in someone who is irresponsible and unreliable and (probably) lazy, the only thing you're going to accomplish is driving yourself mad.

[chippa13 1844]

Not necessarily. If one feels that they cannot be supportive of the person and will only be expressing anger at him/her then the better course of action would be to stay away. There is no need to bring more stress into an already difficult situation.

So its selfish to be angry, but acceptable to not have anything to do with them and give any support to them, because if they keep getting into this shit then its quite obvious they need all the help they can get.

Glad you're ok with having that on your conscience cos i know for a fact i couldn't.

Obviously you're not understanding what is being said. If the OP's reaction is anger then those feelings will come out and make it quite difficult to be supportive. Hence, if you cannot be supportive then stay out of the way because you aren't helping anyone.