Hockey pressure

[tml_bte89 0]

I thought this is interesting and we should all realize it. But I doubt that any of you guys have kids yet.

http://www.canoe.ca/NewsStand/TorontoSun/S.../11/624587.html

[Cavs019 708]

my parents put no pressure on me hockey wise, but god forbid my gpa dropped .1 points to a 3.8, my balls would be in a vice within minutes.

[crosskore 0]

I put more pressure on myself then my parents. All I want to do is play hockey when I grow up. Iam constantly working out and worrying about my health, if I have one bad game, I end up gettign down on myself and because of that, I follow it with more bad games.

[Chadd 916]

As a coach and a referee I firmly believe the worst part about youth hockey is the parents.

[Kovy_Ribs_Fedo 3]

I second that, parents are just terrible when it comes to hockey.

[Cavs019 708]

the worst was when i played with my best friend for a good 6 years straight and his dad was a complete nut when it came to hockey. Pretty much when the "1-2 punch" didnt produce, he would not only scream at his son, but some things at me as well. Not the most comfortable situation.

[tml_bte89 0]

This one time i was put as a penalty killer and we were doing a good job, we were winning 4-1. Then they turned over the puck and it was a 1-1 me and a defencemen from the other team but i was tired i had been on for a long time so i just dumped the puck and went to the bench. The assitent coach was going nuts he was yelling at me for the rest of the game. I thought it wasnt such a big deal, ive seen pros do it all the time.

[Eazy_b97 1]

Parents can be completely crazy, but I only notice it as a coach. I was in a very similar situation as Cavs, but my friend and I just laughed it off. On the car rides home it was "benny why didn't you get the puck upto my son more" and we just kind've shrugged it off gave a BS answer and laughed about it later. I feel bad for the son (or daughter) of those parents. I was lucky that my dad was so great, but he was a little difficult on me, but all coach/son relationships are difficult because of the communication and expectation issues. There will always be a bias and they generally have alot of conflicts or at least moreso than you would with a non-relative coach.

[NashvillePreds 1]

Not to be the grammar police, but presure??

Anyway, there are always going to be some wacko Earl Woods/Richard Williams trying to live their life through their kid. I'm still waiting for one of the kids to go off and end up killing the parent.

[thejackal 46]

My dad used to get cranky and stuff, but not anymore. If he was there and I played a bad game, we'd just not talk about it. I think i'm a better player now because of it, since I realise what i've done wrong and could fix it all by myself.

[QandA 0]

Back in atom when I and some talent, we we're up 4-1 with 3 minutes to go, they came back and tied it. HA I scored every goal too! So theirs about thirty seconds left and this was back when if you had a nasty wrist shot that could go top corner than you had a goal. So I cut in to the slot wrist shot top corner! We won 5-4. I was booed so much I was basically like wtf did I do. I get player player of the game and some more boos. We meet them in the finals, and we win 6-3, I got the hat trick! More booes.

In this same tournament we we're playin' a weaker team than us and we came out flat, and the game went to over time. Their coach was kicked out for mouthing, and I see him pull out a $20 and offer it to the ref! We won in OT!

[MDE3 0]

Parents can be completely crazy, but I only notice it as a coach. I was in a very similar situation as Cavs, but my friend and I just laughed it off. On the car rides home it was "benny why didn't you get the puck upto my son more" and we just kind've shrugged it off gave a BS answer and laughed about it later. I feel bad for the son (or daughter) of those parents. I was lucky that my dad was so great, but he was a little difficult on me, but all coach/son relationships are difficult because of the communication and expectation issues. There will always be a bias and they generally have alot of conflicts or at least moreso than you would with a non-relative coach.

As a former parent/coach I understand completely what you have gone through, and am glad you seem to still have a good relationship with your dad..vis a vis the sport....

I stopped being my son's coach completely after age 14, but even before that I refused to accept the head coaching position on several travel teams simply so I was not in a position to be accused of any favoritism by other parents, and so that any criticism of my son's play or advice as to how to improve during game day..came from someone other than his father.

It becomes too personal when training or coaching any family members, not just children, as most advice is also an implication that the other person is doing something wrong, and needs to change. When this advice cames from a qualified stranger it is often welcomed, or at least accepted, but when it comes from a parent, husband or close relative in any form, no matter how qualified they may be, it is more often regarded as some sort of personal attack, or rebuke, and either disputed or ignored...leading to more bad feelings.

As a parent we all feel that we want what is best for our kids...but indeed our ego's can get in the way when or if we try to start taking the credit for our kids performances, or worse blaming our kids for tarnishing our image when their game did not live up to the image we feel we are owed as parents of this talented child (they are all talented in the eyes of us parents lol). Hence it can get pretty ugly, and the kids see it long before we do. That is a terrible realization when you as a parent suddenly understand that your child is embarrassed to have you around.

[Benfica 0]

I can't help but be reminded of the Thomas Junta case.

Of course, parents are crazy no matter what sport/activity their kids are involved in. Be it hockey, baseball, gymnastics. etc.

[ktang 34]

I have been an assistant coach in the past. The players were great. :) And I love teaching the game and seeing the players pick things up. :D But, as noted above, we had some problem parents. :(

To be fair, I think that, for the most part, the parents had been good; it's only the exceptions that cause problems. These ones had told us coaches that we didn't correct / yell enough, and that we were too laid back, encouraging, and happy. They thought that we detracted from the seriousness of the players. etc. etc.

Over the course of the season they started swaying some of the other parents to be a bit more aggressive, too, not just at the games (as noted in the story above), but also at the practices. When I did hockey as a kid, the parents used to drop us off at the practices and pick us up afterwards.

This year I volunteered to be a head coach for Atom house (10-11 yr olds). I'm really worried about the problem parents; they burned out a lot of the head coaches from last year. Now that I have talked to the other head coaches who don't want to coach any more, "what was I thinking"? My wife is asking, "what were you thinking?" But, I do love to teach and see the improvements. :)

Does anybody have suggestions about dealing with these types of parents? Should I try to make peace with them, explain what the team goals are for the season, or ignore them / develop a thick skin? I was hoping that the more serious parents would put their sons / daughters on the rep team, but it looks like a lot of those players didn't make that team and will play house this year. These players' parents tended to tell them not to listen to the coaches because the coaches were ignorant, so we sometimes had mayhem at the practices. I'm also worried about some of these parents berating their kids after a "sub-par" game or practice. Any advice from players, parents, coaches, refs, etc. would be greatly appreciated. I think my problem is that I can't understand their point of view.

To the moderators: should this thread be in "General Hockey Discussions" (because it is not really NHL-related)?

[Chadd 916]

Some parents can see reason, others can't. You have to get a feeling from talking to them. I have almost no patience with abusive parents and I make that clear at the earliest possible time.

[Hkydog 0]

Its not the kids its the parents. After coaching for over 10 years I cant agree with the article more. Once the game is over for the kids its over its the parents that can't let go and want to discect every minute of the game. Worst is the parent who is videoing the game and goes crazy over a call and wants the ref to look at their video to change the call. The ultimate though is the guy who starts his own team so his kid can play at the level he thinks the kid should play at even if the kid doesn't have the skills.

[MDE3 0]

Does anybody have suggestions about dealing with these types of parents? Should I try to make peace with them, explain what the team goals are for the season, or ignore them / develop a thick skin? I was hoping that the more serious parents would put their sons / daughters on the rep team, but it looks like a lot of those players didn't make that team and will play house this year. These players' parents tended to tell them not to listen to the coaches because the coaches were ignorant, so we sometimes had mayhem at the practices. I'm also worried about some of these parents berating their kids after a "sub-par" game or practice. Any advice from players, parents, coaches, refs, etc. would be greatly appreciated. I think my problem is that I can't understand their point of view.

To the moderators: should this thread be in "General Hockey Discussions" (because it is not really NHL-related)?

Even though as I stated previously I avoided being the "head coach" for purposes of peace with the parents and my son ("rep" hockey), I was effectively recognised as the "senior" coach and ran the practices.

With travel or rep hockey however, you have a little more liberty to be "strict", and that's how I manged to keep control of both the kids and the parents at practices...if a kid was late, or cutting it up at pratice while we were trying to accomplish something..they simply went to the locker room....period. Not for ten minutes..but for the duration.

This was a double edged sword for the parents...many were driving more than an hour and off work early to get their kid to practice, so if I benched the kid...I was punishing not only the child, but also the parent... in a sense. However most of the parents appreciated seeing some strict discipline which the majority felt was sorely lacking in school, and even at their own home, so although they might feel inconvenienced, their feelings about the need for discipline generally won over.

The other most important thing needed to be effective this way, is to show absolutely no favorites, or allow any exceptions to these rules...short of serious traffic problems which could happen...(when I punished a kid for being late for practice, it was when he was in the locker room in plenty of time to be ready, but through fooling around came out late) Note these were kids from ages 10 - 16 at different age levels...not 5-6 year olds. The rules and consequences were clearly spelled out to both the parents and the kids before the season started, not just in writing, but in personal meetings.

More often than not my own son would end up being one of the first offenders, and also one of my first "victims"...so when the other parents saw I was willing to treat him by the rules with no hesitation..the credibility level went up. This is the single most important element you must create as a coach...credibility. Once you have it, you will have far less difficulty with parents or kids.

[Gongshow11 1]

when I playted in montreal prior to prep i didnt even play that high cuz i was so small and coaches never gav eme the benefit of the doubt, except for the prep coaches of cours.e but when i played, man o man it would be packed and loud as hell with parents screaming at refs and what not.

[Crazy Otto 0]

My kid has played hockey since age 6 and I've seen it all from parents; worst of all I have to resist the urge to be a "problem parent" myself sometimes. Fortunately she still seems to love the game and loves having me and my wife come to her games. Playing hockey myself seems to help keep in perspective that as a player you're going to make mistakes in games.

I try to remember to congratulate her when she makes good plays and not bring up her bad games except when she wants to talk about it. I also have to remember that I am not her coach; she puts pressure on herself and she will accept pressure from her coach and her teammates, but not from her parents.

My job as a hockey dad is pretty simple; (1) drive her to games and practices; (2) have plenty of cash and plastic at all times; (3) enjoy it because soon she will be an adult and then all I will have is pictures and home videos and my own beer league games.

[ktang 34]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their contributions. This has been a very useful topic for me. My son's season (Atom) just started (3 weeks), I am the coach, and understanding the mindset of some of the more aggressive / serious parents has helped in my dealings with them.

So far it looks like the season has been a lot of fun for the kids, so to me it has been worthwhile.

We share our practice ice with another team which has two superior players who won't listen to their coaches and are a little bit dangerous to the other players etc. I'm glad that I don't have that problem.

[jeffw 1]

Does anybody have suggestions about dealing with these types of parents? Should I try to make peace with them, explain what the team goals are for the season, or ignore them / develop a thick skin?

Communicatyion is the key. Before the first practice sit down with the parents and explain your philosophy and goals for the season and make sure everyone is on board.

Explain your preferences as far as contact with the parents. In other words, make it clear that you don't want to be bothered right after a game or practice with complaints or suggestions. Ask them to call or email you the next day. Usually after they've had time to calm down and reflect things go alot better.

Our organization makes all of the players AND parents watch a video about how to conduct yourself at a game or practice. There is a strict 'Code of Conduct' policy that must be signed by players AND parents before their child is allowed to participate.

I don't know that it does any good, but it is a step in the right direction.

As a coach (I'm not coaching this year) I always tried to listen to the parents but would remind them of our pre season meeting if their suggestion or criticisms don't follow our teams goals.

As a parent I try to just enjoy the games. My son plays goal on a Bantam A team and I not only cheer for our boys but also applaud when the other team makes a nice play. I'll admit to getting caught up in the moment a few times when we've been victimized by exceptionally poor officiating and sometimes I tend to coach from the stands, calling for line changes, etc (I'm a former coach, I can't help it)

Mostly I try to set a good example for the other parents and try to help them understand why their son got a penalty when they think it was unfair.

[Aussie Joe 0]

I have to say how fantastic it is to be coaching in a relative hockey "Wilderness". Most parents in Aus know nothing about the game and so leave all the orders to the coach when it comes to the sport. Im also blessed personally that ALL the parents of the current stock of Jnr's I coach are awesome. I get along with them fantasticly.

I have seen and heard the crazy hockey parents a few times. They really are in a world onto their own. I have unfortunately had a bust up with one which forced me to change clubs. It was a very ugly argument indeed. However that was 3 years ago and in retrospect it forced me to leave a place where I was miserable. Then goto the club Im at now which I have made friends for life and have NEVER enjoyed my hockey more.