U16 Hockey: What happened to kids having heart?

[fastbrother7 0]

So on a volunteer basis I coach a U16 comp hockey team. We are definitely the underdog team. We didnt have a huge tryout turnout either. It seems as though many of the kids on this squad have a "I'm just happy to be hanging out" type of attitude, and only a handful want to improve their game. I listen to the way some of these kids talk to their parents, and then try to mouth off at us coaches and think to myself how doing EITHER of those things would be the last thing I would do as a player or kid growing up. I mean, what are these parents teaching these kids at home? I'm sorry, but when a kid is 14-16, talks back to thier parents, coaches, other adults, and teachers with disrespect, thats a home-training issue and a lot of parents dont want to face the fact that they have dropped the ball. We run a tight ship, those who don't work hard dont play. Just because your parents pay, doesnt mean you are going to get ice time. Its earned. You mouth off on the bench, we send you off the ice. Plain and simple. You whine about ice time after a lack of effort on your part, you sit. We do have a couple of kids who actually ask us what they can do to improve their game and they work hard, and they get to play. I guess what frustrates me the most ( Im sure many of you can relate to this where ever you played ) is that no matter what team you played on, no matter who was coaching you, you worked as hard as you could, and even if your squad was brutal, you made it clear to the other team that getting a win wouldnt be a cake-walk and insure that they would cringe at the thought of a rematch with your squad.

Recent example:

As aforementioned, we have a couple of kids who are clearly playing hockey for the social aspect of it. One of these kids in particular has a parent that "coaches" ( I use this term loosely with this guy because he's one of those never-played hockey before but knows all about it guys ), and wants his kid to play hockey more that his kid actually wants to play. This past holiday weekend we participated in a Thanksgiving tournament in which we went 0-4. Just to be clear, if we lose after a hard worked, composed game, then so be it. But loosing due to lack of effort and composure is unacceptable. Back to my example. This parent who seems to know so much about hockey, but despite observing every practice and every game that we have held, knows little about his son's lack of interest in improving his game, approached the coaches after our final tg tournament game and asked why his son didnt play much. We explained to him that his sons attitude was poor (his son told the other coach to f*ck off under his breath several times when the coach was trying to explain some positioning tips to him in-game) and his effort was minimal (i.e hardly playing the body, shying away from contact, not backchecking, etc.). The parent then asked why he was benched in the first period of the previous game. We explained it was for the same reasons. He proceeded to "threaten" us with the "My kid may not be on this team anymore" stance. This was not a punishment on his part to his child, this was his displeasure with our decision to stick to our coaching guns and play the kids who work hard. This isnt the first time we have spoken to this parent about his son's lack of effort. We have tried many things to get this teen motivated to show up and play hockey as opposed to showing up just to hang out with people you know. What makes it worse is that while we don't allow demeaning play-criticism in game from player to player, almost every other player on the team at one point or another has pointed out what we have seen on multiple occasions to this player. In any event, my reply to this parent was simply that you can go ahead and take your kid off the team because we need kids with heart.

I mean, as someone who has worked with emotionally-disturbed youths, abused youths, and broken families for the last seven years, I have literally seen 6 year olds who have been through hell and back with more heart than some of these kids. Whats the deal?

[chippa13 1844]

You're a little late to the party but you have just described a majority of today's youth. Just help the ones you can and don't lose sleep over the rest.

[fastbrother7 0]

Yeah this is my first year coaching, and obviously by my career choice, you can tell I'm always looking to help out as well as to see the inherent good in people. I mean, I know how these kids are these days ( I feel old lol ) but really? I mean for me, 14 was only 15 years ago. My parents would have my ass if I acted the way some of these kids act on a daily basis. But like I said, more so than the way they behave is how soft they get when you call them out on it. Its crazy, but I got my own kid to raise:)

[Chadd 916]

I quit coaching entirely because of kids like that and their parents. I sent a kid off the ice for trying to hurt one of his teammates and being an all-around douchebag and ended up sitting through four meetings about it with the parents that ran the organization. If you have a kid swearing at the coaches, send him to the showers early, bench him or suspend him. Run it your way and don't coddle them like their parents. You may succeed or you may go down in flames, but do it your way. You owe it to the kids that are doing things the right way.

[crispy92 14]

Kids dont realize what parents give up to let their kids play hockey. I'm 17 myself but ive realized that even playing High school roller hockey at only 2 rinks that are 15 minutes away each, my parents are still giving up time at work to bring me, helping pay for part of my equipment, and even though the rinks are close they bring me a good amount of times a week.

I'm assuming your team is an ice hockey team. If so these kids parents are probably bringing them to different states every couple of months for tournaments and paying a hell of a lot more money just to be on the team. I mean thats a lot of money and i don't think kids realize that. All this stuff is just handed to them and they dont appreciate it.

[dsjunior1388 81]

I reffed for one year, a couple years ago, in 11-12 leaugue and leagues below that. I could not believe the mouths and the attitudes of those little kids. I'm 21, not really that far removed from where these kids are, but I was not dropping F-bombs at adults and neither were any of my teammates (baseball, not hockey) at that time. I shudder to think of what my dad would have done had I hit a post on a breakaway (up 4 goals, mind you) and smashed my synergy SL into the post, while the play is still going, almost hitting the goalie. I couldn't beleive this kid, I actually had to confer with the other ref, and his coach on what to call. His coach was all for a stiff punishment, he was at his wits end and really wanted a message sent. That was the worst incident by far, but there was a ton of backtalk and swearing, I couldn't believe it. I even witnessed a 12 year old bring a ten year old to tears on the bench because he called him a loser and sprayed him with a water bottle after the ten year old had missed a pass.

[chippa13 1844]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

[furlanitalia 1]

chippa is right. However, I last night had the weirdest interchange between a player I have every experienced.

With 41 seconds left the winning team (up 7-2) gets a tripping penalty. Standing near centre ice I'm making the call when I hear someone (from the losing teams bench) yell you "you Fu***ng Fa**ot!". Turning around I ask if he's talking to me, to which he responds "yes you effing loser". Skating over to the bench I politely tell the kid he can go home, that his team was about to go on a powerplay, and that he won't be playing hockey for awhile if he keeps it up. More gay slurs were said and lots of swearing but his coach finally got him to leave. After the game the entire team apologized, the coaches, even his mom came and said something to me. No one could figure out why he snapped. (not that there's anything wrong with it but I am not gay.)

Needless to say it was a bizarre incident and just further bastardizes a sport that has seemingly gotten out of control. Parents don't know the rules, and everyone takes it too seriously. It's a shame few people wish to just play for fun anymore.

[fastbrother7 0]

I quit coaching entirely because of kids like that and their parents. I sent a kid off the ice for trying to hurt one of his teammates and being an all-around douchebag and ended up sitting through four meetings about it with the parents that ran the organization. If you have a kid swearing at the coaches, send him to the showers early, bench him or suspend him. Run it your way and don't coddle them like their parents. You may succeed or you may go down in flames, but do it your way. You owe it to the kids that are doing things the right way.

Yeah, its just nuts though. I talk about it like Im an old fart, but it just boggles my mind. When I played we were almost self-policed. If you werent out there banging bodies, moving the puck, backchecking, etc. forget about the coach, you would hear about it in the locker room and sometimes at school lol. But the bottom line is that it was understood that you came to play. Every game was a battle and that made it fun. I dont expect kids to be all Stanley Cup, but I expect them to care enough about improving thier game as well as improving themselves as young men to want to work hard. Because like getting sent off for taking a bad penalty such as sticking someone in the face, or punching someone after a dead play, in life, when you act first and think second, you get sent off too-to jail. They dont see the bigger picture, but its there. 2 years from now these players are going to be let loose on the world and they arent going to have the tools to succeed, because they didnt embrace opportunities that were afforded to them. After all of the stuff I have seen happen to kids in my line of work, there isnt much I lose sleep over, but it is pretty frustrating when kids with opps dont take full advantage of them.

[IniNew 53]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

[fastbrother7 0]

Some buddies of mine put on a split-ice 3 on 3 tourney every summer for ages 8-17(U18) and I call the goals and ref, and its crazy to hear a 10-12 year old say "what the fuck? that was a goal!" Talk about five across the eye if my parents ever got wind of me talking like that to an adult.

[chippa13 1844]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

[kovyperron5727 0]

fastbrother, I am sorry about how some kids are these days. You did the right thing. I've been on teams where some of the guys didn't give a shit and it pissed me off to no end. Although I regret it now, I once called out a teammate of mine(I centered his line) for not trying when me and my other linemate were busting our balls out there. I did end up apologizing, but I just knw what you mean about some kids. I play for the love of the game and because its all I have ever wanted to do. I'm trying to make it back into the game after surgery and after 3 doctors have told me that my back is toast, and then I go watch my team play and some of the kids dont give a shit or put down other teammates when they are trying their best.

Good luck to you with the rest of your season

[furlanitalia 1]

One thing I can't stand is putting other teammates down. It's one thing we center our business around, and I will never call out a teammate on their performance. I've never been the best player out there, and I would hate to be called out for my flaws. So I won't do that to someone else. Unfortunately many kids don't see that.

[ktang 34]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct, or Gross Misconduct (making a travesty of the game) could be called.

[Chadd 916]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct, or Gross Misconduct (making a travesty of the game) could be called.

USAH eliminated the gross a number of years ago.

[kovyperron5727 0]

One thing I can't stand is putting other teammates down. It's one thing we center our business around, and I will never call out a teammate on their performance. I've never been the best player out there, and I would hate to be called out for my flaws. So I won't do that to someone else. Unfortunately many kids don't see that.

This. I won't call a guy out who's giving their all, but when guys are floating that's when the captain or coach should call them out

[IniNew 53]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

Once again you miss the point. He's not bragging about the call he made. He is showing an example of the misbehavior that is running rabid in the kids today.

[chk hrd 164]

I also stopped coaching because of the B.S. that goes with it. Many parents feel that it is thier kids god given right to act, speak, behave, etc. any way they please without fear of discipline. Some parents of younger kids treat it like daycare. Some kids do it for the social aspect and THE WORST are the parents living vicariously through thier kids They are the know it all, bleacher coaches who have never stepped on the ice, but think they are Scotty Friggin Bowman and thier kid is the next great one.

My son has been fortunate, most of his team mates that he plays with now or has played with have been good, respectful kids who love the game. The best thing that a family can learn is " Players Play, Coaches Coach and Parents Watch". I never step in unless it is absolutely required which is very seldom. At the U16 level a young player needs to learn how to resolve issues on thier own.

We are a hockey family and I have tried to instill what it means to be a good, honorable person to my son. So far, so good. My son has developed respect, values, integrety, honor, strength and persaverance things that he reflects both on and off the ice.

[fastbrother7 0]

fastbrother, I am sorry about how some kids are these days. You did the right thing. I've been on teams where some of the guys didn't give a shit and it pissed me off to no end. Although I regret it now, I once called out a teammate of mine(I centered his line) for not trying when me and my other linemate were busting our balls out there. I did end up apologizing, but I just knw what you mean about some kids. I play for the love of the game and because its all I have ever wanted to do. I'm trying to make it back into the game after surgery and after 3 doctors have told me that my back is toast, and then I go watch my team play and some of the kids dont give a shit or put down other teammates when they are trying their best.

Good luck to you with the rest of your season

Thanks, there are the ups and the downs. im sticking with it though.

[Stampede#11 0]

The lazy kids virtually always means parents who want them to play, more than they actually want to play. I get annoyed like you do though ... "if you don't want to play ... then why the hell have you turned up?!?!"

As everyone else has said, just reward the kids that do want to try and learn with more ice time.

We only run an inline team, but the U-18's who work hard and want to learn, come and train (and play some games) with the mens team (as size and contact not such an issue in roller). We hope this displays some sort of reward for their hard efforts, as well as teaching them the more balanced approach to the game of hockey that maybe they don't learn at the younger age groups where they are the stars.

Reality out of 15 kids at U-14/16's, I bet you will only have 10 still playing at 18's/21's then about 5 by the time Beer and women are discovered fully!!!

You can take the old horsey to water but you can't make him drink eh?

[chippa13 1844]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

Once again you miss the point. He's not bragging about the call he made. He is showing an example of the misbehavior that is running rabid in the kids today.

All I've done is explain what, if any, call would have been made in the situation he described. We all understand he was showing an example that was apropos to the thread but thanks for helping.

[dsjunior1388 81]

I reffed for one year, a couple years ago, in 11-12 leaugue and leagues below that. I could not believe the mouths and the attitudes of those little kids. I'm 21, not really that far removed from where these kids are, but I was not dropping F-bombs at adults and neither were any of my teammates (baseball, not hockey) at that time. I shudder to think of what my dad would have done had I hit a post on a breakaway (up 4 goals, mind you) and smashed my synergy SL into the post, while the play is still going, almost hitting the goalie. I couldn't beleive this kid, I actually had to confer with the other ref, and his coach on what to call. His coach was all for a stiff punishment, he was at his wits end and really wanted a message sent. That was the worst incident by far, but there was a ton of backtalk and swearing, I couldn't believe it. I even witnessed a 12 year old bring a ten year old to tears on the bench because he called him a loser and sprayed him with a water bottle after the ten year old had missed a pass.

Ironic that I just told this story about 12 year old, and then 27 year old Keith Ballard does the same thing, only worse.

[chippa13 1844]

Now you know where the kids learn it.

[ktang 34]

Actually, if he didn't hit the goalie and, in your opinion, there was no intent to hit the goalie with his stick then there would have been no call. Now, had he dropped an f-bomb or if he had smashed his stick in response to a call/non-call made by the officials then you could have hit him with a minor for unsportsmanlike but that is about it.

You miss the point.

Hardly. A referee's job is to enforce the rules, not play parent.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct, or Gross Misconduct (making a travesty of the game) could be called.

USAH eliminated the gross a number of years ago.

Good thing the Gross Misconduct is still in Canada...