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Let me begin by saying that, as a professional, paid, youth hockey coach, hearing stuff like this breaks my heart. THEY'RE. FREAKING. EIGHT. YEARS. OLD. No matter how seriously the coaches (and parents...honestly, the parents are generally every bit as bad as the coaches at this age) take it, this is NOT the NHL. And, what's more, nothing - NOTHING - that happens in any kid's 10U Minor season will either increase or decrease his chances of playing in college/getting drafted/playing in the NHL. Well...almost nothing. The one exception to this rule is, if the experience is SO negative for the player that s/he quits forever, I can GUARANTEE you that s/he'll never progress to a high level of hockey... Anyway. Instead of focusing on skill development, it sounds like your kid's coach is going to waste the entire year trying to teach 'systems' to a group of kids that do not, I REPEAT - DO NOT - have the mental capacity to understand what it is they are learning. Studies have proven again and again that treating kids like they're miniature adults doesn't work. A child's brain does not process information in the same way the adult brain does. It just freaking DOESN'T. The kids may be able to learn the mechanics of the systems...but they won't learn the 'why'; and they certainly won't learn the strategies behind them. They won't be able to repeat what they learn and, in the end, they won't become better hockey players. Put differently, solely in the name of winning, this coach seems dead set on trying to create a group of little robots that have no creativity, no individual playmaking skills, and no hockey sense. And, for your kid anyway, no fun either. (Thing is, though...I GUARANTEE that your kid isn't the only one not having fun...) So. Enough about why this coach sucks...because let's face it, no matter how many utterly meaningless 10U state/national/global/universal championships he's won, if he's teaching systems at 10U and all he does is yell and curse, he does, in fact, suck. The question you have to wrestle with is, what do you do now? I'd agree with the others that you probably need to get your kid off that team. It sounds like your house leagues are a bit of a joke (don't worry - ours are, too...) and it sounds like you have at least a cordial relationship with the B team's coach. I'd leverage that and see if you can't make a change. If not and the rosters are set, a year off from competitive hockey at 8 years old isn't going to hurt his long term development - just keep getting him on the ice in a positive environment where he leaves smiling and, most importantly, wants to come back the next time. One caveat though - in any discussion you have with ANY person that's part of your club, I'd make sure that you keep the discussion about YOUR KID - NOT the coach. You don't want to get into a situation where you're saying things like, "that coach is a jerk" or "all that coach does is yell and curse" or "my son hates that coach". All of that may be TRUE, but getting labeled as the dad/kid/family that can't get along with coaches is NOT a good place to be this early - particularly if you're going to stick with this club long term. If you talk to anyone about this (current coach, club president, B team coach, other parents, ANYONE other than your immediate family), just say that it's become apparent that your son wasn't ready for that level yet and that you want to back off before he begins to hate hockey. If people give you a hard time about it, simply say, "I understand, but this is what's right for my son at this point. The last thing I want is to push this now and wind up with a 12 year old that hates coming to the rink!" Never forget - this is a marathon, not a sprint. A million things have to 'go right' for any one kid to 'make it' with hockey...and, ultimately, the vast majority of those things are COMPLETELY out of our control as parents. As such, I believe it is our duty to make sure that we parents do the best we can with the things we CAN control...and this situation is one you can control. Get your kid back to a place where he has fun at the rink. Do it quickly. And do it without apologizing to anyone. Good luck. And please report back. I definitely want to hear how your son is doing.

I preemptively apologize for the soap opera/train wreck that is to follow. Some of you wanted an update. So talked to the hockey director. He highly encouraged me to talk to the coach if not for any other reason out of respect. I tried to keep it about my kid, however was kinda pushed when I got the song and dance about that's were your kid was evaluated at. I tried the route that he is not having fun. I did minimize how much the coach yells and did say he curses at the kids didn't appreciate it. My boys best friend's dad, which I am friends, with comes in 3 hours after me. He make no qualms about the coach doesn't want his kid moved. He gets the same thing. He is less tactful than me and meets the coach on tuesday. A mother from the B team asked how my boy was liking it and I said he is miserable. Her reply was "I heard no one was having fun in that team." It didn't come from me or my friend. I speak to the team manager because I am told that everything must go through her. I get the same he is so nice and a good player. I email the coach. Now I am in a conference call with the coach and team manager that goes exactly the same as the prior two conversations. Looking for an end to this call I reiterate my concerns for my son being over his head and not having fun. What are My options? Could he change teams? I Get "talk" to the next guy in the food chain. In my opinion I gave this guy an out so he could recommend my son move to the other team. Now I am stuck talking to a board member. My wife says he not getting anything from this get a hold of the next guy. I suggest to my son that he should talk to the coach. He says all that guy does is yell and he would rather not play. So now I got to move up the food chain. I believe the damage is done even if things did change he doesn't want to be on that team. Which is a shame he gets along with the other kids. Now I look like that squeaky wheel. I just want him to have fun. At 8 years old he really can't effect change himself and to him it's a fun game that's not fun right now. I didn't let him try out for the elite team because he wasn't ready and doesn't have that compete level. On the bright side tomorrow he is excited to get invited to a pick up roller hockey tourney (which he only ever plays pick up with us old men) So I know for sure it isn't that he is burnt out on hockey.

Howdy, Yeah... Can't agree here. That's how a shitty coach like this keeps being a shitty coach ruining hockey for kids. You don't need to be an ass about it, but you certainly can and should tell the club why you're taking your kid out of the program. If the culture is so toxic there that explaining something like that labels you negatively, then frankly that club wasn't going to ever not suck anyway. Mark

I encourage you to stick to your guns. The good news is you know it isn't just you or your kid. And at least your kid knows you got his back, and you know he still loves hockey. Don't know what's going to happen as you move up the food chain, but the nuclear option is probably being really frank about the coach with the higher ups, and if that falls on deaf ears, tell them either you kid gets moved or your kid sits out. Because sending a kid into a crappy situation like that is not a healthy option. Also, I know this is going to sound sneaky, but I'd start recording phone conversations if possible, just so you don't get into a he-said-she-said situation.

They shouldn't be running "systems" yet at that age. Fundamentals and basic knowledge of positioning is the most important thing outside of making it fun for them. I agree with everyone, pull your kid out and get them on another team a.s.a.p before he never wants to play the game again. That would be the worst thing to happen.

Howdy, Yeah, ditto to others here. If it were me in your position I might try talking to the coach first, but if you've seen him being an asshole on the ice with the kids yourself (vs. hearing just one side of it from your kid), I'd probably not bother. Pull your kid out of the team and let the people that run the program know exactly why. Sorry to hear that's happening. Mark

Sack the coach? Just kidding but he sounds like a real pita if that is how he coaches kids. I was talking to 2 well known swedish coaches last year and the most important thing they emphasized for kids under 10 in their system - it has to be FUN, regardless of their skill set. For example one of the best times my kids had training was one year when they did a 3 month intensive course for the junior olympics. Different stations with coaches set up around the rink and kids just drifted from station to station trying things out and trying to beat their own pb's. No pressure to try anything, just have fun and the improvement in the skills (video analysis before and after the course) was quite an eye opener for a totally unstructured training course. I'd pull him out now because you aren't going to change how someone coaches, ask around about other teams / coaches. Forget about the level, look for something that makes him enjoy skating and playing again. Even if you just explain to him that we are not going to worry about your skills for the rest of the season (they will naturally get better if he keeps skating), the focus is to have fun with no pressure. Drop him back into his age group?

Sounds like the coach should not be coaching kids of that age-level. The way you describe his methods, they might be okay at a high-school/Juniors/college level, but not for kids who are 8 or 9 years old. When kids are that age they should be encouraged to try things out, ask questions, and not be afraid to make mistakes while learning the game. I had great coaches from age 9 on upward. Perhaps it was because they had played at high levels (almost all had played NCAA or minor pro), and knew that it is counter-productive to treat a 9 year old the same way you'd treat an 18 year old. Most of all, I remember that I had tons of fun, and I credit our coaches for that. The only time I had a coach who was a prick was in high-school. There were bag skates, yelling, the whole nine yards. But by then we were all 16-17 and it just rolled off our backs. Nobody took it personally. Here is what I suggest. You mention that your kid is on a travel team. I assume that means there is a house league too? I would pull him off the travel team and have him play house league for a year or two before going back to travel, hopefully with a different coach in his new age-bracket. With reduced pressure in house league it might make him realize if he really likes the game, or not. But I think the most important thing is what your kid wants to do. If he doesn't even want to play house-league because of his experience with this coach, it might be time to hang up the skates for a while. If he misses the game enough, he can always come back.

Ummmm wtf is with that coach? To give a different view of things, my nephew is a couple years ahead of your kid, and he's on the rep A team, with paid coaches, which I believe is about as high as you can go. All last year I took him to practice at least once a week--he has three a week on top of games--and I saw kids mess up drills all the time, and I've never seen or heard of the coach yell at a kid for doing so. If a kid keeps messing up the drill, the coach stops and explains it to the kid. If they still don't get it, the coach has them sit out and watch those who do understand run through a few times. That usually fixes things. Usually at the end of practice, the coach has a mini game drill as a treat for the kids to keep things fun. Though, I've heard my nephew talk about bag skates after games in which they didn't listen to the coach and didn't do well. But my nephew hasn't ever complained about having to going to the rink, so I'm sure bag skate doesn't mean what it typically means. After games, the coach has a private talk with the team before parents are allowed in. Regardless of win or lose, I've never gone into the dressing room and felt that the kids were beat down. They're always laughing, even if they blew a 4 goal lead in the third. I don't know what your options are, but if you can shift your kid to another team, that might be a good thing. When my nephew was your son's age, the focus was more on skills development so everyone got to play different positions. There weren't any systems. Now this isn't to say, I didn't see other teams play systems, but I didn't see the point. Any way, my 2 cents. It's worth what you paid. And best of luck to you and your kid.

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