Grave77Digger 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 (long read sorry, very angry!)My son is 4.5 years old and is playing in his second set of 8 week learn to play hockey classes. He is by far the smallest and youngest skating with these kids who range from 6 to 12 I would guess. He holds his own, he can skate. Just slower than everyone else. Im really proud of him, before I left for a couple months in Iraq He could barely skate. He would do the skate board push to get himself around the ice. Now that I am home Im shocked and excited by how much he has improved in the months I was away.I have watched him play 3 times since I have been home and there is one boy in particular who is a bully and pushes him down because he is smaller and punches him in the cage. I laughed it off the first time because boys will be boys... I had no idea his father was telling him to do these things. Today I sat and watched silently from the bleachers this kids overbearing father barking orders to his 6-7 year old while hovering over the glass. As usual this kid keeps knocking over my kid, no big deal. It doesnt bother my boy because he thinks the kid is playing with him. When my son starts knocking over his kid, The father actually starts yelling across the ice for him to punch and elbow my son! I was shocked. He even did the "throw your elbow to his head motion"!!!! I was really upset after that I was upset but still didnt think it worth me saying anything about it.Im certain this guy had no idea I was in the stands watching him bark orders to his kid to elbow a 4 year old in the head. The father did this "elbow motion" toward my kid a total of 3 times and after the 3rd I had enough. I walked right up to the guy and just stared at him about a foot of space between us. He didnt know who I was before but Im sure from the look on his face he realized it quick. After an awkward couple seconds of a stare down he blurted out that my kid was kicking his son (after they knocked each other down) and "thats how people die out there"... I was very civil and told him my son is 4 years old why would you tell your kid to elbow him in the head 3 separate times. He got defensive and I got angrier. All he coud say was that if I didnt want my kid to get hit then go play basketball. There was more dialog but ill be damned if I can remember. There was alot of parents at the rink watching there kids and im sure they watched me confront this guy. I said what I had to say to him and followed it up with a very loud "PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARD RIGHT HERE" so that everyone could hear it then turned my back and walked away while he was still talking. A few minutes later I was approached by a mom saying she was so glad I said something to this guy, apperently he has pissed off alot of the parents with his and his sons antics.I never thought I would be THAT GUY to confront another parent. But that is where the blame lies, not with the child. I am still very angry and will more than likely contact the rink and complain. May just edit this post and mail it to the rink managers.Any thoughts or opinions? I am still VERY angry about this. I honestly wanted to tear this guys head off for being such a *****. I havnt shaved since I was in Iraq, sporting my Pens playoff beard... I must have looked like the crazed parent and not him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
epstud74 24 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Talk to the coach and the parent after the game. Dildos like this guy are a blight on the sport. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chadd 916 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Assuming this is at TP, call Linda in the office and talk to her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grave77Digger 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Assuming this is at TP, call Linda in the office and talk to her.Wish it was this is in Pittsburgh. Linda has always been very helpful though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chadd 916 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Assuming this is at TP, call Linda in the office and talk to her.Wish it was this is in Pittsburgh. Linda has always been very helpful though.A couple of the rinks out there scare me. I've seen some crazy shit at pickup hockey out there, baseball swings at heads, jumping into the bench to go after a guy, a blind side check on a goalie that was trying to make a save, etc... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WSjo22 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Assuming this is at TP, call Linda in the office and talk to her.Wish it was this is in Pittsburgh. Linda has always been very helpful though.A couple of the rinks out there scare me. I've seen some crazy shit at pickup hockey out there, baseball swings at heads, jumping into the bench to go after a guy, a blind side check on a goalie that was trying to make a save, etc...what rinks would these be if you dont mind me asking....I'm from a little south of Pittsburgh and occasionally like to go to random pick ups and I'm not trying to get my teeth knocked out for no reason Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Moose 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Talking to the parent is good. A big part is the coach/ instructor as well. Consider that you're paying for services and they are obligated to fulfill there responsibility. If the instructor is USA hockey certified (or not, for that matter) he sholf know he can't let bullying go. Also with such an age gap they should have a system in place ahead of time to prevent and if nessiary react to action like this. I don't think you'd be overstepping any boundries by talking to the coach because that's a) not safe B) not teaching how the game is played. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bmplam 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 I'm guessing this d-bag will tone it down after being confronted. I'm also guessing that mom who approached you represents the vast majority of parents there who are sick and tires of the d-bag's act. I too have a son in learn to play. He's been there for 2 months now. With his older sister and brother both playing hockey. I more or less live at the rink, but his sessions on the ice are what I look forward to the most, so don't let the d-bag ruin these priceless moments. If he mouths off again, just let the hockey office know, and they should handle it for you.And thank you for the hard work and the sacrifices you make for our country. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tailboard Jockey 25 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 I really hope that I would be able to handle a situation like that as calmly and cool as you did. Good on you for doing so, and thank you for your service. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJ Thompson94 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 First I'd like to say thank you for serving in the army.Second I don't know how you could just stand there and not knock this guys teeth out. I've always been the small one untill my JR. year in HS and I just can't stand that. It bothers me till this day when I see younger kids get picked on, but if it were my son, I just hope I can show the restraint you showed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chk hrd 164 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Talking to the parent will do no good, you can't change an asshole. Fortunately it didn't escalate to a fight. I would go right to the coach and orginization manager about this. If it doesn't get any better have another meeting and follow it up with a registered letter. A threat from you can be blown off by him, a threat from the orginization means no hockey for him or his son. The letter is your back up in case something happens to anyone as a result of this guy. The orgination can't say they were never warned if you have proof. If you have proof thier liability goes way up. This guy sounds like a parent who is new to the game and has no concept of hockey except for what he remembers when he was drunk and watched Slap Shot. I wouldn't doubt if he encourages his son to bully anyone smaller than him.We had a parent in our orginization that made this guy look like parent of the year. He did everything from intimidate kids to threatening to bring a gun to the rink and kill everyone (my wife was there for this one). The orginization had to do something because of the complaints and the man was a liability to them. Once an orginization knows that there is a person who is a future law suite waiting to happen they tend to take action. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fldksja 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 I must have looked like the crazed parent and not him.Talking to the parent will do no good, you can't change an *******.I agree with both of these statements. You confronted him once, so if he doesn't change, then it will probably do no good to talk to this guy about it in the future.Outside of the other suggestions presented here, which I agree with, I'd also use this opportunity to teach your son. There are always going to be d-bag kids on the ice (and off the ice). If he can continue to just laugh it off when things like this happen, then it will serve him well as he goes on.Thanks for your service. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fawn111 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 Thank you for making this country free and great.....My only question is why is your son skating with such an older group of kids? Huge difernece between a 5 year old and a 12 year old.... I guess that they do not have a class for the younger kids though Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grave77Digger 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 It is a hockey development class divided into 2 skill levels. beginner and not beginner Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WSjo22 1 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 what area are you located Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DoublinUp 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 yeah thats BS... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stickfixchaska 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 First - Thank You for your service! Your sacrifices are greatly appreciated.Second - I think that you have done a lot toward stopping this behavior. The confrontation alone should be enough to reign him in. Usually these types don't really get the fact that others are watching them. If it is not enough, following up with the coach/rink/program coordinator are good avenues to help resolve these issues. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tro 4 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 We have a kid just like this is my sons 4-6 Learn to Skate(hockey), the kid was a great skater, but only had interest in hitting other kids, the dad wasn't telling him to hit kids but he would stand right beside him on the ice and watch his kid crosscheck players from behind without saying a word. I just didn't get it.He didn't touch my boy much, so I wasn't about to get to upset about it, but after punching one of the little ones in the face, the little kids dad went to the coach at the end of practice and talked to him about the kid.I know the coach and he told me that he advised the dad of the bully kid, that if he hits another kid intentionally he won't be allowed on the ice again.The kid and the dad didn't return to hockey for the rest of the season, too bad for the kid, just needs some parenting, but the class really improved without the kid.I say talk to the coach/instructor and see what they can do, in my experiance, parent to parent interaction rarley solves the problem and usually creates more problems. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jason Harris 31 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 My only question is why is your son skating with such an older group of kids? Huge difernece between a 5 year old and a 12 year old.... I guess that they do not have a class for the younger kids thoughIn our program, we separate the ice into thirds and by ability. If a kid is quite a bit older, we might have him skate with those closer in age, but generally we prefer to match the skills. Obviously, the guy in question is an idiot. And if someone has reached the age of child rearing without realizing they act like an idiot, we shouldn't hold out much hope that they'll have an epiphany.So speaking from the perspective of someone who has coached in a Learn To Play program for the past six years, your safest course of action is to talk to the coaches or manager of the program. If I see a penalty, I'll wag my thumb right towards the penalty box. I only make them stay in for the remainder of this shift, but I'll let them know why I sent them off. It doesn't happen often, but I'm trying to prevent retaliations. It's our responsibility to make it fun for the kids, as well as safe, so we've kicked out kids from our program when they can't learn how to play nice. I've also had to talk to the coaches of a different age group that they have to call penalties, since I heard from some parents that too much was going on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
in da crease 0 Report post Posted May 7, 2009 I think you handled it as well as anybody could have. The unfortunate part of this is if your boy sticks with hockey, you will likey run into buttheads like this again. They are all over the place and sometimes even coaching teams.Last season we were playing at a rink where the players benches butted up next to each other, seperated by glass. I was running the door near the partition. A coach on the other team, running the door right next to mine, called his player over and in a very loud and mad voice, pointed out #6 on my team and told his player to "get him back! I want out of the game!"I immediately turned to him and stared at him from around the glass partition as I leaned on boards. He briefly met eyes with me, realizing I just heard what he said, and looked away. I stared him down for at least 90 seconds, but he wouldn't look at me. I was astonished at what he said and pretty hot about it. After the game, I passed by him in the locker room hallway and asked if his player was ever able to get #6 back. He stopped and started saying that he didn't know what I was talking about, but I kept walking. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
epstud74 24 Report post Posted May 8, 2009 Maybe if he's embarassed enough, he'll put his kid into a different program Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aussie Joe 0 Report post Posted May 8, 2009 That's a great little poster. Just sent it to my coaching buddies here, very powerful image. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cove 39 Report post Posted May 8, 2009 It's a real shame that people have to act like that. I've loved hockey since i was 3, and I'm now 20 and luckily I haven't had to see many parents like this. If I acted like a shit head my dad would tell me, and make sure I knew what I was doing was not acceptable. I like that you took the initiative to approach the kids father because the embarrassment alone in front of all those other adults should smarten him up(in theory.) When I was 12 or 13 I was at a game and some kids mom slammed the door open stormed through the room too her kid I happened to make a smart ass remark about 'hockey moms' because she was being a bit irrational and suffice to say she wasn't to happy with my remark when she walked by telling me that what she did was none of my business. I don't get why some people encourage their kids to do stuff like this like elbow other little kids in the face.. it baffles the mind. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jmiami 4 Report post Posted May 8, 2009 Firstly, thank you very much for serving our country! Secondly, Wow, I got heated up reading that post. What knucklehead this kid's father is. Good that you confronted him, and even better that you didn't make it physical. Any piece of trash that that tells his son to elbow another kid in the head would not be above tying you up in court if you even laid a finger on him.I played from age 6 through high school, but don't recall ever coming across something like that. I'm in my 40's now, and don't have kids, but if I did, they might well be playing hockey. It must be a whole different thing to watch it as a parent. I can't even imagine. I started playing again a couple years ago in adult league, and I sometimes come across youth league practices at the rink. The other day, I watched a bunch of 10 year-olds practice with a coach who did nothing but bark like an idiot. No encouragement to any of the players when they did something right, just barking when they screwed up. And no demonstrating how to fix mistakes when they occurred. In other words, no specifics. That's horsesh*t coaching in my book, especially at the formative level where you can actually teach players things that will stay with them forever. After five minutes, or so, I couldn't take the barking anymore and left. I really felt bad for the kids, who have to play under this moron. Suffice to say that if I had a kid on that team, I would do my best to get that coach removed in as quickly as possible. Probably better I don't have kids, cause if I did, and they played hockey, I'd get too friggin' wrapped up in it. And thank you for serving our country! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grave77Digger 1 Report post Posted May 9, 2009 I havent said anything to the rink management yet as I have been busy catching up with friends and family. Lucky for all of us I will be out of town for the next 3-4 classes and my wife will be going. Im going to make sure she has a word with the coaches/instructor before class starts. Know that she knows what I did she will be more than happy to yell at the guy if he gets stupid again. Doesnt USA Hockey have some sort of code of conduct for parents? This seems like a no brainer to meand would reinfrce parents acting appropriately/ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
