For the Fathers of MSH

[mack 44]

Just one known; no others have been proven in court. I'm teflon, baby.

[ktang 34]

My wife got very anxious about our future planning towards the end of her pregnancy. I don't know if it's hormonal or instinctual, but it seems all soon-to-be-fathers that I know go through this. We survived by having plans; not having any plan at all seems to freak out the soon-to-be-mother, whereas if you have some plans (financial, home, education, education for the kid, extra-curricular activities, extra-curricular activities for the kid) she can criticize them all and feel better. The more details in your plans the better.

About epidurals: my wife relented to the epidural towards the end of the delivery. After 15 hours... At the time, all the nurses in the region were indoctrinating against anything non-natural: epidurals, C-sections, episiotomies, and bottle feeding. In our case, the epidural worked out for her and my son.

There are lots of great things to look forward to, too. One big advantage to having a kid this young is that you will be able to keep up with it when it has all that energy. Yes, your girlfriend will be the subject of some gossip, and probably bear the brunt of it, but who cares about that? You are both very lucky that both sets of parents are so supportive.

Congratulations!

[LkptTiger 1]

Congrats and good luck. It is going to suck at times, but, for what it's worth, my mom says it was worth it...

To quote Homer Simpson: "Yeah, kids are great, Apu. You can teach them to hate the same things you hate and, what with the internet and all, they practically raise themselves."

[mack 44]

Exactly, to go along with what Lkpt said it's not any kind of death sentence on what you can do. My mother had my sister and I at 18, went on to school and become a doctor. Granted it will test and prove the old "it takes a village..." saying, but by no means does it close off the important opportunities in life to you. It'll just make you have to work harder, so keep that in mind if it ever feels like you're drowning.

[foppa21 0]

Just another note on epidurals--don't expect to get an epidural as soon as you get to the hospital and for there to be no pain at all. In general, any OB doc or nurse midwife worth his/her salt won't let anesthesia do the epidural until mom is dilated to a certain extent. If it's done too early it will actually slow down dilation and increase labor time. So if an mom does decide to get an epidural, she does have to be prepared for some pain and discomfort before it's feasible for it to be inserted.

[mack 44]

Not to burst any bubbles you may have had, Capt, but a birth is disgusting. Yeah you'll get the "wow, I made that!!" feeling but it is also a completely vile thing to witness.

[Oberon 0]

I would suggest that the two of you sign up for Lamaze classes to prepare for the birth. It doesn't have to be Lamaze - just know that there are childbirth education resources available to you, and it is probably in the best interest of everyone involved that you use them. There have to be a million things that you are unsure of, or have questions about, and this can go a long way toward making you comfortable with what you are both going through. Also, this will help your girlfriend know that you are in this with her.

I was 36 when my wife and I had our daughter last year. I was bewildered at the start, but confident by the time of the birth. If I had to go through it at 16 I would be scared shitless. You will need help, and you will need your family, but if you prepare you can do this. As mack pointed out, the process of birth can be disgusting to watch - but it was also the most incredible moment of my life. Good luck.

[mack 44]

While it may seem over the top, I'd recommend learning sign language. We've been teaching that to our daughter and it helps a hell of a lot.

[Cheesehead 0]

While it may seem over the top, I'd recommend learning sign language. We've been teaching that to our daughter and it helps a hell of a lot.

the pastor at our church has a young son. he has learned his own signs. its amazing. if he sees a cieling fan he will point up making a circle with his finger and then make an "i dont know" gester with his arms. it is amazing, and they comminicate well between him and his parents

[mack 44]

It makes things so many easier because they're smarter in the first two years than they ever will be, so they pick up on the gestures a lot faster than trying to speak.

[hockeymom 2]

Not to burst any bubbles you may have had, Capt, but a birth is disgusting. Yeah you'll get the "wow, I made that!!" feeling but it is also a completely vile thing to witness.

Oh mack, you are such a guy...lol

It IS true tho'... I was totally prepared for my daughter to emerge looking like a cross between a drowned rat and a monkey.... instead she was stunningly beautiful... like a porcelan doll with long eye lashes.

And in that moment... BTW, it is not anything anyone can explain to you, it is not something you can "get" beforehand... in many ways it is like trying to explain balance to someone who has never ridden a bike; you can't get it by explanation, but the moment you experience it, you "get" it. And in that moment of my daughter's birth, all of my life's priorities just simply and effortlessly reordered themselves around her. And for the very first time I understood "unconditional love".

As much as you try to prepare yourself - and I HIGHLY recommend reading and the classes (the book I found most valuable was "What to expect when you're expecting") - it isn't something you can ever really be prepared for.

I would learn about everything in advance, but at the same time, I wouldn't worry too much about an epidural or that stuff - let that be your wife and the docter's decision in the moment based on how the delivery is going.

Being a parent has been the most extraordinary experience of my life, and something that I do, indeed, get my life out of. Parenthood: being willingly and completely dominated by the needs of another human being.

Congratulations and enjoy.

p.s. get over the diaper thing REAL fast!

[cougarscaptain87 11]

thanks for all the replies guys, it is making things alot easier.

[whbd18 0]

Congrats Cougar, my friend had a kid in June at age 17 and he seems very happy.

[A_Steeves12 0]

congrats man i have a great deal of respect for you and hope everything workout for the best.. im 17 and i cant even begin to think about having a kid at this age.

[mack 44]

Not to burst any bubbles you may have had, Capt, but a birth is disgusting.  Yeah you'll get the "wow, I made that!!" feeling but it is also a completely vile thing to witness.

Oh mack, you are such a guy...lol

I can't help it, all-natural didn't include the "safe" looking way that they show people giving birth on TV. Ugh.

[KYHockey3 0]

i know a couple little kids that have know the signs, like more.

this is great for parents because they do the signs and u realize what they want, rather then guessing to make them stop crying.

and its a great communication skill.

[hockeysew 0]

As a father of two-18 and 14 I'm gonna throw in my 2 cents

I wont address the fact of the irresponsibility of putting yourself and her in the position of becoming parents at this age.

I know at 16 I could hardly keep myself alive let alone your situation..............

Look to friends and family for help now and then-BUT DONT RELY ON IT!!!!

YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION-MAN UP AND HANDLE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!

I dont mean to sound like a hard ass but becoming a dad at 16 is just plain irresponsible.

Guess what? You just entered adulthood in one easy step! Kiss being a teenager good bye.

Welcome to the 40+ hr work week, the bills that are due, the late nights with a sick/teething/cranky child etc.

Itsa bitch and a lot of work but not without its rewards

Really worth getting laid eh?

Like I said I dont mean to be a hard ass but hopefully some others that read this will realize the consequences of their actions and think before they shtoink!

Your in it now though so do the absolute best you can!!

Remember this: " Anybody can be a sperm donor-But it takes something special to be a DADDY"

1. Get ready for your life to change 180 degrees. You have taken on the biggest responsibility of your life and guess what? You will have this responsibility until either you die or your child does. It doesnt stop when the kid turns 18.

2. Be ready to sacrifice all of your wants for the needs of the child.

3. Begin to realize that you must remain flexible to changes-they happen all the time with kids.

4. This sign language thing-Just talk to the kids regardless what age- Its your job to teach them to communicate! Theres no proof that kids understand signing better than vocalization.

5. Child birth-Do what the Dr recomends-child # 1 18 hr labor- # 2 6 hr labor-both natural

Epidurals can be either a godsend or the worst experience ever. I have heard of women suffering permanent effects of an epidural

6. Go natural for the birth- IT WILL MAKE THE BOTH OF YOU THINK TWICE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids cause you to sacrifice your own needs for them.

The great things about being a parent:

Sharing your interest's with them and vice versa

Unconditional love

Being their role model & Idol (No greater feeling)

Teaching them to be good people and vice versa-I've learned as much from my kids as I have taught them

Sharing those rare priceless moments-first fish caught-first goal scored-suprising them with a trip to Disneyland-first broken heart over THE girl-BS'ing around a campfire, etc.

The bummer things about being a parent:

Realizing that one of your kids is just like you at that age!

Seeing them get hurt and having to deal with the trip to the doctor for stitches etc.

Homework battles.

Different views between the Mrs. and I when dealing with kid issues.

Realizing how old you are getting!

Having kids did more to pull my head out of my ass than anything else.

They caused me to grow up and deal with responsibilities.

A very defining point in my life.

Alot of hard work, but very rewarding. Watch the movie "Parenthood" with Steve Martin-The roller coaster analogy is right on.

They will make you realize why animals eat their young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cougarscaptain87 11]

thanks again for all the congradulations and tips of advice from all of you with the exception of hockeysew. that was one of the most cold hearted thing i have ever heard said on MSH. everyone here is supporting eachother for the most part and then someone comes into a post and decides to shut down someone. im not saying that some of his points weren't legitimate points, but the wording that he used was completly unacceptable to me and i do not appreciate someone who has never met me sterotype me like that and i will not tolerate it. sorry for the venting and thanks again to all the supporters i have.

[mack 44]

It may be worded harshly but the points are valid and sometimes you have to come off as harsh to get things to stick into the head of kids. Like when I spoke to them on Scared Straight '99.

[hockeysew 0]

thanks again for all the congradulations and tips of advice from all of you with the exception of hockeysew. that was one of the most cold hearted thing i have ever heard said on MSH. everyone here is supporting eachother for the most part and then someone comes into a post and decides to shut down someone. im not saying that some of his points weren't legitimate points, but the wording that he used was completly unacceptable to me and i do not appreciate someone who has never met me sterotype me like that and i will not tolerate it. sorry for the venting and thanks again to all the supporters i have.

:o

I guess the truth must hurt!!

It cracks me up that you have the audacity to whine when somebody enlightens you to the cold, hard facts of life.

Well Jr. you were a big enough man when it came to doing the nasty with your girlfriend so now be a big enough man to deal with the reality that you have brought upon yourself! If you think I am harsh what do you think the big, mean world is going to do with you? News flash-It's a motherf@#er!! :(

As I stated it IS NOT my intention to be a hard ass and slam you or shut you down........

You have a big enough hill to climb of your own doing, you don't need my help!

Just letting you know what you are in store for.....THE REALITY OF LIFE!!!

I understand that your spooked and your head is going ten different directions, I was that way when I found out I was going to be a father for the first time at 24. For that you do have my full backing, just take things as they come at you, if you try to envision everything you will be overwhelmed.

But remember this, your in the big game now! You entered the realm of Adulthood in one step. Things arent always going to come your way the way you want. A true man is judged by how he deals with adversity. How are you going to do?

If my words are blunt and honest, deal with it. You can do that right, after all you are a big boy and are going to be a father right? Thats what type of person I am and no, I don't have much sympathy for a 16 year old turning their life (and others) upside down because of a concious decision they made. Do you really expect ANYONE with any sense of responsibility to say "poor, poor you"?

If I can help somebody else prevent what you have imposed on yourself by being blunt and BRUTALLY honest I will be.

Just look at the statistics of young parents-85% divorce rate (when and if they marry)

90% of the kids end up with a single parent (it took both of you to make the child, IT TAKES BOTH OF YOU TO RAISE THAT CHILD!)

You are taking on the biggest responsibility in life at a stage in your life when you have no idea what the TRUE meaning of responsibility is. I doubt you are in a situation to where you can support yourself, let alone a wife and child!

Like I said, I AM NOT TRYING TO DOWN YOU-I wish you the best of luck and hope all works out well. Do the best you can with what you have and remember the kiddo is not here by it's choice, but YOURS!

[mack 44]

Jesus, I bet you told your kids there wasn't a Santa when they were 5.

[Oberon 0]

THERE'S NOT A SANTA ???!!!!

I tell my daughter there's not a Jesus every day.

[hockeysew 0]

Jesus, I bet you told your kids there wasn't a Santa when they were 5.

LOL

When they were 3!!!

Just being honest

Would you rather have me sugarcoat and BS the kid and let him get blindsided when the reality hits him?

I may not like what I may hear but I will ALWAYS respect somebody for being honest with me, tactful or blunt.

I have the flaw of being very blunt and brutally honest. You may not always like what I tell you but it will be a thought out and honest response you get.

[LetsGoWings13 0]

Hockeysew he is going thro enough right now what you said i really dont think was right. Im sure he knows that shit isnt gonna be easy from this point on and doesnt need you going on comming out and acting like an asshole. Seriously what was the point of telling him that? He is looking for support not to get attacked.

[Chadd 916]

Jesus, I bet you told your kids there wasn't a Santa when they were 5.

LOL

When they were 3!!!

Just being honest

Would you rather have me sugarcoat and BS the kid and let him get blindsided when the reality hits him?

I may not like what I may hear but I will ALWAYS respect somebody for being honest with me, tactful or blunt.

I have the flaw of being very blunt and brutally honest. You may not always like what I tell you but it will be a thought out and honest response you get.

There's a difference between being up front and being abusive and your first couple posts absolutely crossed that line.