For the Fathers of MSH

[peter 0]

I'am just saying that it's not going to be easy like the rest of you seemed to make it...

[mack 44]

No one's making it out to be easy at all. Besides, your "experience" comes from a friend who got a girl pregnant. I'll assume the last time you were even in a vagina was at birth so go tend to the rabbits, Lenny.

[hockeymom 2]

I'am just saying that it's not going to be easy like the rest of you seemed to make it...

Peter,

This is the toughest thing the Capt AND your friend will likely have had to face thus far in their lives.

No offense, but if this is the type of support you offered your friend, I can see why your friendship fell by the wayside - he had far too much life stuff to handle as well as fielding your criticism and contempt.

But that aside, it sounds like you miss your friend very much. And I'm sure he misses the connection with you too. Being a parent can be lonely. Why not call him up and see how it is going? He might not be able to do the normal things guys his age can do, but I'm sure you can be a true friend and find some other things you can do together to keep the friendship alive.

[peter 0]

LOL yah last time LOL

And this boy didn't get a girl pregnant?

If so what did he do then?

[mack 44]

LOL yah last time LOL

And this boy didn't get a girl pregnant?

If so what did he do then?

Wait, you've reproduced? I'm going to church right now.

[peter 0]

I'am just saying that it's not going to be easy like the rest of you seemed to make it...

Peter,

This is the toughest thing the Capt AND your friend will likely have had to face thus far in their lives.

No offense, but if this is the type of support you offered your friend, I can see why your friendship fell by the wayside - he had far too much life stuff to handle as well as fielding your criticism and contempt.

But that aside, it sounds like you miss your friend very much. And I'm sure he misses the connection with you too. Being a parent can be lonely. Why not call him up and see how it is going? He might not be able to do the normal things guys his age can do, but I'm sure you can be a true friend and find some other things you can do together to keep the friendship alive.

I do talk to him...

I was very supportive of him when he had his baby...

But I just don't want other teens to have to go threw what he's been threw...

[CHIEF22 0]

I'am just saying that it's not going to be easy like the rest of you seemed to make it...

Peter,

This is the toughest thing the Capt AND your friend will likely have had to face thus far in their lives.

No offense, but if this is the type of support you offered your friend, I can see why your friendship fell by the wayside - he had far too much life stuff to handle as well as fielding your criticism and contempt.

But that aside, it sounds like you miss your friend very much. And I'm sure he misses the connection with you too. Being a parent can be lonely. Why not call him up and see how it is going? He might not be able to do the normal things guys his age can do, but I'm sure you can be a true friend and find some other things you can do together to keep the friendship alive.

I do talk to him...

I was very supportive of him when he had his baby...

But I just don't want other teens to have to go threw what he's been threw...

It was tuff losing my best buddy...

It was tough losing YOUR best buddy??? Poor, poor you... How do you think your buddy felt??

Captain, like everyone else has said, there is no book on how to do this. Go with what feels natural to you. You will find out quickly what works and what won't.

Have alot of patitence, that little guy can't tell you whats wrong so you need to be able to read him. But he will be able to tell if you are getting stressed and it will only make matters worse.

Congrats and good luck. Believe me there is nothing better than watching the learning process as he/she progresses.

Oh yea to whoever said it was easier raising girls, as a friend of mine told me(who has a boy and a girl) "when you raise boys you only have to worry about 1 penis, with girls you have to worry about ALL of them"

[peter 0]

"when you raise boys you only have to worry about 1 penis, with girls you have to worry about ALL of them"

LOL all of them... ;)

[M-Cohen 0]

You are the biggest fool I have ever seen on this or nearly any site.

Cougar, best wishes and best of luck.

[peter 0]

You are the biggest fool I have ever seen on this or nearly any site.

I'am a fool because I speak the truth?

[ponty 0]

Well Capt, some people have commented about pregnant women's fears, hormone scramblings and food cravings.  I'm going to attempt to touch on pregnancy from a woman's p.o.v. (Ponty, you might want to pull up a chair too - and congratulations BTW).

YOU know your own body - right now you know, for example, whether you like pizza or not; imagine waking up one day with everything scrambled and no longer knowing anything at all about your body and your preferences.  You're living in the Twilight Zone.  You love pizza and suddenly it tastes horrible, or gives your heartburn.  It is a very weird feeling not to know some of the most basic things about your body anymore.  And sometimes it changes too - you make something to eat and by the time you've finished making it, it revolts you.  This is so tiresome and frustrating to live with.  Unless you happen to like sleeping on your right side, you even have to change the way you sleep.  Like living in a foreign country - you're never really "home".

Some people have cravings - others don't.  Mine was ice cubes and limeaid; couldn't get enough of either.  Didn't drink limeaid before I was preggers and haven't touched it since - weird.  Don't eat ice anymore either.

You also stop being your own person - you're a now a receptical.  Everyone and everything is focused on the baby.  Yes, you are excited and also want to talk about the baby, but what you also lose is yourself for a while.  Sometimes it is especially nice if people relate to you the person rather than you the baby factory.

There's that incredibly awful time (first few months) when you look fat but aren't yet showing pregnant.  That's kinda rough on the self esteem at virtually any age.  In the last month you just feel like a beached whale.  Some attention would be nice at these times, and I imagine some reassurance that you're loved. 

And then when you ARE showing the pregnancy, people do such obnoxious things - complete strangers ask highly personal and intrusive things, they give you unsolicited advice and sometimes they put their hands on your belly without asking if it is ok.  Some of it can be useful and welcome - but sometimes it is just gross.  It can be really tiring handling this stuff all day, and also hard to explain why just being with people can wear you out.

Fear.  Some of the greatest things human beings fear is change and uncertainty.  Oh man, you live with this DAILY for the whole nine months (the excitement too of course).  I know you also live with this Capt., but you will have some hours in the day when you are "yourself".  Your girlfriend is the baby factory and doesn't get a break from it for one minute out of every single day, so it is really hard not to carry the burden of worrying about the uncertainty of the future... especially as the due date looms closer.  ktang gave some good advice on this.  Positive distraction and diversion and positive planning really does help.

All new parents have worries about the changes ahead.  I obviously can't put myself in your girlfriend's shoes... I think I can "get" a very small piece of the worry that looms for her with an uncertain future during her pregnancy.  I worried about my decisions.  I worried about the responsibility I had taken on.  I worried if I would be ok.  I worried how the baby would deal with the life I had handed her before she was even born.  I worried if I would be a good mother.  I worried about the baby's health.  I worried about my pregnancy.  I worried about what my life was going to be like.  I worried about my career.  And then there are all the "what if's"... I worried that "what if" I did my very best and my best just wasn't good enough?  I worried "what if" she wasn't healthy, would I be able to handle it?  I worried "what if" she wasn't healthy and it was my fault? (BTW - there were no health concerns - I just worried about it) So many "what ifs".

The thing with these worries and fears Capt.  is you can't really do anything about them while you are in "the waiting time".  What I held onto was whatever came down the pike I would figure out a way to handle - at the time when it was appropriate to handle them.  What I COULD do right now, I did, so I could eliminate one worry from the list.  And I tried to let all of the other worries and fears go every time it came up.  As a baby factory, I was conscious that all of my emotions created an environment in the womb - feelings can create a physiological reaction - so I let things go as much as I could.  My mantra was - If it is not something for right now - I'll think about and deal with this one after the baby is born.

There's some great and wondrous things that also happen when you're pregnant - feeling the miracle of life growing within you.  Good stuff like that.  What I've tried to focus on here, is really to give an explanation for the stuff that is harder to understand or deal with in the hope that maybe it will help you to be patient and supportive.

Everyone's pregnancy is different... ultimately it is just something you feel your way through.

Great advice that works if you are 16 or 38. I will never pretend to "know" what my wife is going through but this will at least help me to understand.

... and the roller coaster goes one click higher :o

[Juice_Slowjamz 0]

"when you raise boys you only have to worry about 1 penis, with girls you have to worry about ALL of them"

LOL all of them... ;)

Please leave my Internet. Thank You.

joelmyers

[peter 0]

I wasn't the one who suggested it...

[mack 44]

You're seriously this dense. Wow. You should just go. Buckle your walking helmet, get your thermos of chocolate milk and just go.

[TML4LIFE 0]

As a relatively young father myself. I am 22 and have an 11 month old.. which is different than 16 I know.. but ... I am sure you are going through a lot of the same things that I was when I found out that my gf was pregnant.. I think through 6 pages of posts most things have been covered.. don't listen to some of the negative things that have been posted on here.. you are not stupid you know what kind of responsibilty this is going to be.. but just because your young does not mean you aren't going to be a good father.

Just remember the hard work seems a lot easier when you come home to your beautiful baby boy or girl.. make sure to enjoy every second because it goes way too fast..

Congrats.. and Good luck. . being a father is the best thing in the world..

[Rustybender 0]

hockeymom, that was a fansatic description. When my wife was pregnant I swear she sent me out for wonton soup 5 times a week. We've probably had it 4 times in the last 4 years.

Peter may be being harsh, but alot of what he said is still true. You have to give up a lot of little things. Hanging out with the boys is one of the first to go and it doesn't seem like much but you do miss it.

One last bit of advise captain.

If you are serious about going to go to college, do everything you can to get a scholarship or grant to pay for it.

It would be really hard for a high school grad to make enough cash to pay for school and baby without working multiple jobs. But if you work too much, your studies and your relationship with mom and baby will both suffer.

[LkptTiger 1]

Peter, I believe you might soon (or already) hold the title of "Most Ignorant Individual" not just on MSH, but on the internet, too (and there are some extremely ignorant people crawling around cyberspace... ).

The kid knows he screwed-up. He doesn't need you to reiterate thoughts and feelings that I am sure his/her family has already expressed and things that he has already gone through in his head. There's no sort of "scolding" that we can put into the written word here that he hasn't heard verbalized by people whose opinions he holds much higher and more dearly than your own.

Accidents happen (everyone who has broken a condom raise your hand *raises hand*). Some people get lucky and dodge the bullet, some don't. He didn't. He's got enough to deal with; if you're not going to type anything constructive, don't type anything at all, ass.

On second thought, since you can't seem to spell or form any kind of string of coherent thoughts, just don't type. Period. Oh yeah: ass.

*Edit* - I apologize to the Mods and to Cougar for the digression from the focus of the thread. My bad - I just thought it had to be said.

[sabre09923 0]

I, for one, am not in a position or an age in which I could even dream of having a kid. Cougar, I hope that everything goes well with the birth and you and your girlfriend's lives afterwards.

I don't have anything else to say to Peter that hasn't been said already. Peter, if you're reading this, read LkptTiger's post again.

[hockeysew 0]

Hockeymom- My wife read your reply and said you hit it square!! You go girl!

With the way Peter is getting bashed I feel lucky of the chastising I got!

Cougar-Do the best you can with what you have. That's what makes a good DADDY

[peter 0]

Ah it doesn't bother me that you guys are bashing me

[DarkStar50 679]

The man in this thread is Cougar. He put it out there what happened and asked for advice from the people here. The child in this thread is Peter. He is upset that he lost his best friend and is too selfish to accept it and help his friend. Cougar has a much better understanding of the world he is entering then Peter does of the world he is living in.

[jrhky36 1]

hockeysew,

thank you for your comment on being the parent and not the kids best friend. i forget that sometimes when i'm playing cars with my son. its good to hear that from someone other than my wife.

peter,

go sit in the tub and don't forget to take your hair dryer with you.

folks lets take a moment and give cougar some props. he has sacked up and has accepted the resonsibly that comes with fooling around. he's has put himself out here in the "open" and asked for advice NOT TO BE SLAMMED FOR HIS ACTIONS. i for one COMMEND him, his gf, and their families for actepting(sp) the situtation. they had 3 choices to make 1) abortion, 2)adopation(sp?) or keeping the baby. they chose the best option, keeping the baby.

as far as the issuse of marriage i agree with rustybender, DON'T marry hte girl unles you truly love here. marring her just b/c she your childs mom is going down the road of problems. marriage is had enough day to day and adding problems to it will only make you misserable.

we have all said you need to help out with the baby, what is your housing situtation. are you moving in with and her parents? if so you will need to make all of adjustments.

cougar if you only take one thing from this thread (alot of useful info has been said) remember this: no matter how hard of a day you have at school or work you have a child who will be so excited to see daddy after work that you will forget about you day and want to ply with him/her.

[Cavs019 702]

Save for a select few, or one, the maturity level of this thread has been extremely impressive. While I don't really have much to contribute on the topic as I'm only 18, and have yet to experience, or know anyone in a similar situation at that young an age, the fact that Cougs' is willing to undertake what could be described as a relative "ultimate sacrifice" is truly admirable.

[hockeymom 2]

This is more general - not directed at CougarsCaptain. As a college prof, I'm surrounded by young adults. I've been an ear for their stuff and a boot in their butt. I've gone to their pub nights and weddings and sadly, their funerals. I've seen them rise to the occasion of the risk that life is and also seen them hammered flat by it. While I don't pretend to have seen it all; I do know that what I'm about to write, you've all heard before ... so all I ask is you try to read yet another rehash with "fresh eyes".

I had my turning 14 (yikes - next week!) daughter read this thread yesterday and we had a really great conversation out of it; a continuation of many we've already had.

The reality is teens and young adults - both males and females - have to deal with a lot of "life stuff" in the turbulent years of 14-20. There's a ton of pressure about sex: whether to have it or not, and when and with whom. And also, whatever decision they make, what that choice says about them; who they say they are in the world.

Some will choose to wait, some will choose to have it too early or with the wrong person, some will, miraculously, make or blunder into the appropriate choices for them and with the right person - and each choice (each time) has a different set of pressures and consequences attached to it.

Who you are is the sum of a collection of many small choices you make along the way.

It is - I hope - a sobering thought - that even with all of the precautions, accidents do happen. No birth control method is 100%. The vast majority of us on the planet are here "by accident".

The reality is that girls will face a ton of pressure from guys to have sex - and especially to have unprotected sex. In a world of STD's you've gotta wonder what people are thinking; the old belief "it won't happen to me" is alive and well. As much as this bugs me, it still is, largely, up to the girl to say no and to arrange/demand birth control. I wish guys would take more responsibility for this - but I'm living in the real world, not the one I wish for.

What I've observed (this is at the college level - with a really solid sex education program in the middle and high school years - so you DO wonder how they managed to miss it) is that many young guys are woefully uninformed, or misinformed, about birth control and STD's. This is what really scares me - that lack of understanding or mis-information just increases the odds of an accident happening.

I hope the young guys will use CougarsCaptain's situation to MAKE SURE that they really do understand birth control. Different methods, pros and cons and failure rates. Take another look at it to make sure your knowledge is up-to-date. Don't leave something this important up to someone else (the girl).

I would hope that "manning up" would include understanding all facets of the act - and doing everything you can to prevent an accident from happening.

To the parents: Yeah, I'm sending my daughter off into the "forest of penises" - also known as high school - next month, but I'm not overly worried about her. After all, I confirmed there wasn't a Santa at about age 9 and we've had 14 yrs of conversations. She's had the best and the worst of what I have to offer, and we've muddled our way through all of our mistakes and speedbumps intact. I'm proud of the woman she's becoming and the choices she's made in her life so far. She's well informed, centered, smart and has a really well developed B.S. meter; I trust that she'll continue to make the choices that are appropriate for her, and that we'll continue talking.

[mack 44]

Also remember the only sure-fire birth control around: Da butt.