Dealing with Chirps in the PeeWee's Learn to Skate

[GreatestAmericanBeardo 258]

Hey Y'all,

i have my lil Beardos learning the game and out on the ice once a week for a clinic my buddy runs. My 5yo is doing his thing and is the real jock of the two. (the 5yo actually had his "first goal" last Friday.) my problem lies with my 8yo. We're still getting his equipment fitted just right, so last week after 50 min of the hour long skate he come to me saying his helmet got tight and its hurting his head. (I assume he just got hot and his head swelled up a bit) i didn't have a screw drive on hand to correct it on the spot so i told him to step off and get some water and cool off.

Long story longer... the skate ends and some kid walks up to my 8yo who stepped off early and says "you suck!" the boy's mom quickly reprimanded him and they walked off. But that ONE chirp got into his head and shook him for the last week. NOTE: this was the FIRST time he was ever on the ice with a stick doing drills and i think he did really well. we spoke to my buddy quickly about it and he said there were a few "dicks" in the learn to skate and he'd keep an eye out for it. i think i've worked him through the comment, and built up a little self-esteem along the way. My 8yo is certainly no star on the ice, but has a lot of stick handling ability from playing street with the kids on the block and i just need to transfer that to the rink.

Any ideas on keeping him motivated and the chirps out of his head? i know everyone say "just don't listen to them" but you know its not that easy.

side note: we joined the Learn to Skate a month late, and the "you suck kid" has been in the Learn to Skate for 2 years, and yes he has some ability to back it up (somewhat). so i also used added experience of the other to boost my 8yo's confidence that he would in time get there. (well, not the "being a dick" part)

GAB

PS: or is my kid just a puss?

if that your answer, i can take that as well. all feedback is good feedback

[chk hrd 164]

This may be blunt but your kid needs to learn to get over it. He is going to be told a lot more times in life that he sucks, is no good, did a terrible job etc. Explain to him that some people are mean and that it's not the correct way to act. Teach your child self respect not self worth. This will help him understand that what others say about him might not be true. I always asked my son a couple of question. #1: Can you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you did the right thing. #2 Can you look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you gave it everything you had. If you answer No then you have some things to think about. If you honestly answered Yes then you did your best which is all that can be asked. When my son first started he went through the same thing. He started later (8 years old) than a lot of the other kids and had to work to get to their level, but he did. There were a lot of pushing matches, scrums and locker room fights because he refused to back down or let someone intimidate him. After awhile most people saw that he was the better human and the instigators were the problem. He never compromised his values and never treated others like the bullies treated him. Just the opposite, he tries to help people that need it. He developed a good sense of self esteem which I am very proud of.

I am all for giving kids love and affection but they have to realize they are only the special kid to their parents and family. Once they step out the door they are just like everyone else. They will go through conflicts, up and downs all their life. How they are taught at a young age will determine how they handle it through life. I think hockey is the best sport for teaching life lessons. Real Sports on HBO did a very good show on how kids of the last generation feel so entitled they do not know how to face rejection or even small failures as adults. Believe it or not they traced it back to youth sports and participation awards.

[SCBlueLiner 19]

Echo what chk hrd said.

Also, at 8 years old your kid is Mite age. Pee Wees are 11-12. Unless you were just using the term Pee Wee to describe we're talking about little kids hockey.

Anyways, if the other kid has been in L2Skate for 2 years then it's a very good probability that if your kid sticks it out and works hard he'll be skating circles around the other kid in no time. Thing is, the other kid knows that. He cut your kid down because he perceives him as a threat. The other kid knows he isn't very good so he cuts down your kid so he can feel better about himself.

[chippa13 1844]

Tell your kid that if the "you suck" kid tries to chirp him again that he should come back with, "You've spent 2 years in learn to skate and I suck????" That will shut the other kid up right quick.

[GreatestAmericanBeardo 258]

CHK HRD: you're telling me just what i told him. glad to see i'm not the only dad starting his kid late (like 8 is late, i didn't start house until i was 10 with no L2S to speak of, just an older brother having to drag my to the pond with him). i'll be sure to relay your story to my boy.

SCBL: yeah sorry, using PeeWee as relative term for kids hockey.

Chippa: yeah i'm on it. as a bit of a smartass myself, i've armed him with everything i think he'll need to cut the kid down. also gave him the green light to defend himself should it get physical.

He cut your kid down because he perceives him as a threat. The other kid knows he isn't very good so he cuts down your kid so he can feel better about himself.

WE know that, its just tougher to have your kid understand it. but he's got a hood head on his shoulders i know its sinking in.

thanks for the feedback all

[fatwabbit 93]

"your breath stinks" usually gets them, regardless of age.

My 11 year old stepped on the ice for the VERY first time over the weekend at the come-and-try sesion. I've been playing on and off for almost twenty years, and told him it wasnt as easy as it looks. He was talking himself up the whole time, UNTIL he stepped on the ice. Realised he was a fish out of water, and fell hard within the first 10 sec. I was watching the whole time as I was waiting to get the on the ice myself. When I did get on, I skated straight to him, and kept encouraging him the whole time. It helped that another one of the more experienced kids came over to help him up.

Keep encouraging him, and words dont matter. Not trying to be blunt, but its something he'll have to deal with through life. It happens at hockey, soccer, at the bus stop, classroom, office, ... And while I dont condone violence, i believe that if someone else starts it, you have the right to finish it. And we've all been there, where the chirps will continue to get worse as he grows up.

[Jason Harris 31]

My wife just hung up with our older daughter about five minutes ago, and said Lauren was out of breath because she had packed up her hockey equipment to come home for Christmas break, but a couple of the boys asked if she wanted to play. What's interesting is we always joke that ten to twelve years ago, Lauren would always complain, "Daddy MAKES me play hockey!"

And she was right. I knew how fun the sport is, the good friends one could make in the locker room, and the fact you could play for years as an adult, so I told her, "Look, there are too many studies showing girls who play team sports become better socially adjusted, so you're going to play sports. The only question is which ones." She (and her sister) ended up playing hockey, soccer and baseball/softball. I know she says she wishes she could play baseball again instead of softball, and I think her favorite has been playing goalie in soccer, but it's been so great to hear her refer to herself as a hockey girl.

My point? Your son won't compare favorably at first to kids who have been playing a few years longer, but that's not why you introduced him to the sport. You're teaching him the sport because we all know how much fun it is to chase around that black piece of rubber.

Let him know he'll get better and to trust you that the sport is so much fun.

[Capt.Hook 23]

I know no one will probably agree with this and I only say it because it's the way I've dealt with my own kids.

1. The kid is a little tool for saying that to your kid.

2. However, your kid probably does suck. He just started. We all suck when we just start. I told my own kids as much.

3. It's important to teach them to measure themselves by how hard they work, how coachable they are, and how unselfish they play.

- That right there levels the playing field and has nothing to do with talent. A talented player who is lazy and yet still scores a hat trick is not impressive to me. A digger who backchecks, clears the puck, and gets to the front of the net to score dirty goals is. One of the reasons I love to coach character issues like humility, hard work, and unselfishness is that it cuts across all talent levels and makes it an equal playing field.

I've always taught my kids that it's hard work, humility, and unselfishness that defines good play not goals, assists, or dangles. When you really do make that your goal for them as a parent and not the stats or even the wins you can really see things develop in the kids that will assist them not only in a game but in life itself.

My 12 year old daughter decided she wanted to start and play on a team this year. I was hesitant as to how to pay for my high school son and her at the same time but God blessed us and we were able to afford it. I told her from the start that she would probably be one of if not the worst players on the team. She would not be fast, would not have good hands, and would not have a good shot compared to her teammates. However, i told her that if she was willing to work, be humble and coachable, and play an unselfish team game that all the boys (she's the only girl) would respect her and it would work out. 3 months into the season she has gotten WAY better simply because she has really worked hard, listened to coaching, and played unselfishly. She has moved up the depth chart and is used in crucial parts of the game. Just tonight in practice the head coach came up to me and said, "you see that, I say one thing to your girl and the next shift she goes out and does it. Why can't all the boys do that?"

I think that being honest with your kids is the best policy. Yes, I told my daughter she would be bad. It was true. However, I gave her the goals to shoot for (Hard work, humility, and unselfishness) in her play and she has had great success because she has worked for those.

In short, I'd just encourage you to tell your kid that that other kid is an idiot, but that it is true that he's not good. However, then give him the tools to get better and continue to reinforce them. Regardless of how many pucks go in, good passes he delivers, or guys he skates around the real measure is in his work ethic, coachability, and unselfish play.

[MikeBoyarchuk 45]

I may not be adding too much but worth a share if it can help your kid out. I remember all to well not being part of the "cool" kids because I was one of the weaker players. This involved teasing, comment's much like the one your son got and exclusion from things here and there. You don't forget that feeling but you can [or your kid for that matter] decide how you react.

There's nothing to gain in my opinion by chirping him back. Even though I did my fair share along the way, it's a waste of energy and focus. I just got better and better every season. And every single kid that I passed by making one level / one team higher than they did, I checked their name off my mental list. Some took years but I eventually played a higher level then all the kids on that team.

Like a few of the posters mentioned on here, we're all weak [suck] when we start. Your son just needs to focus on getting better every single session and the rest will fall in to place.

Good luck out there and I hope your son keeps at it.

Cheers.

[MyBoxersSayJoe 133]

If all these other suggestions don't pan out, I guess you can always check at other local rinks for learn to skate programs. Definitely shift the mindset to improving himself, not comparing himself to others if possible. I teach learn to skate for our youth program in the spring and I've thankfully never encountered this, but the kids are often times age 3-5 and usually all scared out of their mind stepping onto the ice for the first time. What's the instructor to skater ratio? We usually get as many coaches, high school and travel players as possible at there to try to get it as close to 1:1 for the new kids.

[chippa13 1844]

All switching programs will do is teach the kid to run away from adversity instead of facing it and dealing with it. We've already lost a generation that can't deal with anything because everyone's a winner and special and you're parents/teachers will solve everything. How about we start teaching kids that sometimes things will go against them and they have to find a way to deal with it.

[GreatestAmericanBeardo 258]

If all these other suggestions don't pan out, I guess you can always check at other local rinks for learn to skate programs. Definitely shift the mindset to improving himself, not comparing himself to others if possible. I teach learn to skate for our youth program in the spring and I've thankfully never encountered this, but the kids are often times age 3-5 and usually all scared out of their mind stepping onto the ice for the first time. What's the instructor to skater ratio? We usually get as many coaches, high school and travel players as possible at there to try to get it as close to 1:1 for the new kids.

yeah its def. not a 1:1 clinic. its a few coaches and dads (like myself) working with the kids in sections of the ice running drill, with a 8 to 10 minute switch of groups. the biggest group are the black jerseys EVERYONE wants the BLACK jersey! its probably closer to 1:4 for most with 1:6 on the larger.

[MyBoxersSayJoe 133]

All switching programs will do is teach the kid to run away from adversity instead of facing it and dealing with it. We've already lost a generation that can't deal with anything because everyone's a winner and special and you're parents/teachers will solve everything. How about we start teaching kids that sometimes things will go against them and they have to find a way to deal with it.

I'm not disagreeing. Just saying as a last resort. Hockey players are usually trained to be pretty damn tough both mentally and physically.

[ktang 34]

He could use this week of feeling bad as motivation. Every drill, every chance to get in some extra skating, he could re-imagine that kid going "you suck".

[Chadd 916]

I know no one will probably agree with this and I only say it because it's the way I've dealt with my own kids.

1. The kid is a little tool for saying that to your kid.

2. However, your kid probably does suck. He just started. We all suck when we just start. I told my own kids as much.

These two points are how I read the situation as well. There is always going to be someone better than you, and someone that feels the need to put you down. And they will put you down, even if they aren't better than you. Hell, look at all the people on the internet criticizing NHL players and their abilities. 99% of us commenting on the NHL don't have the talent to get paid to play at any level, let alone the ultimate level. Yet, that somehow doesn't stop us from dogging them.

[moteef17 7]

My boy is an 11 yr old, PeeWee. As hard as he works and as hard as he has worked for the last 4-5 years coming up through LTP, Mites and Squirts, he can still be a little sensitive or distractible based on what is 'said.' He's a solid player, but not a stand out. More importantly, he's a hard worker and that's carried him a long way. Thankfully, he is starting to recognize that he lets comments simmer and fester and needs to develop a process to let them go. Case in point, he and another kid on the team tend to chirp each other during warm up drills. They are competitive, try to beat each other in every drill and, in most cases, it's a healthy nudge to do better for both of them. But, my boy tends to have to 'filter it out' in the car ride home, etc. He'll have to comment on 'so and so said this and that' When he's done, I'll remind him that most other kids have already moved on to dinner, video games, homework and are no longer thinking about practice. I think and I hope he's starting to get it. I tell him often, his biggest battle is in his head during practices and during games. He needs to be quicker about letting things roll off and he knows it.

What's great this year is that we have a kid who is our star player and he says NOTHING. He just grins and works his ass off. He's a great example to the other players, especially my kid who tends to think he needs to talk about his own game and ability.

My point: In hockey, as in all other youth sports, you're going to see some unique variety in the kids and the parents you encounter. The kid who says "you suck" is probably not saying it for the first time, and I wish his parents well in finding a way to adjust those patterns. Most kids are repeating things they here or things that are reinforced in the home.

My other point, which I'm echoing from above: your kid probably does suck since he just started playing. My 5 yr old is in his first LTP session and has skated for about 4 hours in his life. He's awful, and he's supposed to be awful at this point. My 11yr old was just as awful at that age. Encourage your kid(s) to be hard workers and they will have ample opportunity to overtake the kids who showcase early 'skill' and never develop the work ethic to support future development.

[MThockeydad 469]

3. It's important to teach them to measure themselves by how hard they work, how coachable they are, and how unselfish they play.

- That right there levels the playing field and has nothing to do with talent. A talented player who is lazy and yet still scores a hat trick is not impressive to me. A digger who backchecks, clears the puck, and gets to the front of the net to score dirty goals is. One of the reasons I love to coach character issues like humility, hard work, and unselfishness is that it cuts across all talent levels and makes it an equal playing field.

This, x-1,000,000

What a great opportunity to teach your kid that he's started late so he has to work harder to catch the other kids. He will develop a work ethic that they lack and when he catches up to them he won't actually catch them, he will be shooting past them and it will be difficult for them to catch him.

I've always taught my kids that it's hard work, humility, and unselfishness that defines good play not goals, assists, or dangles. When you really do make that your goal for them as a parent and not the stats or even the wins you can really see things develop in the kids that will assist them not only in a game but in life itself.

I think that being honest with your kids is the best policy. Yes, I told my daughter she would be bad. It was true. However, I gave her the goals to shoot for (Hard work, humility, and unselfishness) in her play and she has had great success because she has worked for those.

Awesome.

My '03 daughter started in fall '13 as a 2nd year Squirt. She wasn't good compared to the other kids, but she had a blast. She learned to work hard and is a very coachable kid. I'm now getting a lot of compliments about her abilities. Even though I'm coaching, I can take very little credit...she's on the Peewee team and I'm coaching the U14 girls. She gets the credit for her hard work and consistent effort.

Big sis is an '01 who started the same season, but missed last year with a shoulder injury. Little sis has better skills than her, but big sis has generally taken it in stride. She's sharing captain duties on the U14 team and is a great role model to the huge herd of '05 girls we have on the team. The younger girls outscore her, but look up to her on and off the ice.

As much as I'd like to brag about them on the ice, they can be little shits to each other at home.

Big sis is generally a snot to her little sister, but little sis fired one across her bow last night, "Oh yeah, well I got invited to U19 practice". At least the little shits are nice to other kids!

[GreatestAmericanBeardo 258]

Hey! thanks to all for your feedback and support! theres a lot of positive sentiment here that i'll be sure to share with him (sans swear words).

...and don't worry, i've already told him he sucks now, but will get better with time, determination, and lots and lots of practice.

[stick9 890]

If it happens again tell your so to say "I can practice and get better, but you're stuck with that face for life".

Seriously though. There will always be someone better, faster, stronger, smarter, etc. The key is to to do your best and be proud of that. It's a tough lesson to learn at that age, even tougher to teach and it shouldn't distract him from wanting to be better.