Best trash talkin you heard while playing?

[BenderHockey 127]

When I am playing ice, against somebody who wears roller pants, I always ask if those come in mens sizes :-).

Cause inline players are either women or little boys, right?

[tareatingrat 4]

Played a game against some alumni kids last night. One of the kids I get along with, and he's a way better player than me, but we were trash talking back and forth all game.

I used the "your mom buys below average groceries" line, and just the look on his face was priceless. So confused.

[Dubbs 0]

"SNIPERRRRRRRRR!" obviously for anytime someone blows a tire.

Anytime someone tries to take a run at me, a hack, whatever, I laugh and say "that was cute." They usually have some kind of "next time you wont think so" quip. If they try it again, just laugh again and ask if that was it. That usually shuts em up or they get so mad about it they do something stupid and end up getting called for a penalty.

[noodle3872 40]

In a recent game, the refs were just blowing every call up. My team was frustrated as was the opposition. I'm sitting on the bench between shifts when the worst of the two refs stops by for some water. I say "hey ref, is it a penalty for thinking?" The ref responds "no". I say, "I think you're fucking horrible tonight!" The ref grabs my shoulder, turns me slightly to see my jersey number and says "24, got it" and begins to skate away. I yell "I'm not worried about you taking my number. After all, you can't even remember what icing is let alone remember what my number is!"

[lampliter87 8]

I'll be using that one. Thanks noods.

[JR Boucicaut 3789]

Goalie makes the save tonight and the guy is still whacking at it...I go "Easy, easy, easy...calm down."

He says "YOU calm down."

I turn to him, and say "Now I know you ain't chirping me with that f****** helmet on, Egghead."

Crickets.

Yep - Jofa 390.

[dsjunior1388 81]

Goalie makes the save tonight and the guy is still whacking at it...I go "Easy, easy, easy...calm down."

He says "YOU calm down."

I turn to him, and say "Now I know you ain't chirping me with that f****** helmet on, Egghead."

Crickets.

Yep - Jofa 390.

I played against a guy wearing the same thing, we were calling out "Mario" and "Go get em Teemu." his teammates were laughing but he was pissed.

[noodle3872 40]

The team I play for was in a close game (1-1) when a guy who could be my body double if I were a movie star starts chirping me from the bench about my body shape. He starts calling me "Michelin Man". His team's bench gets a laugh out of my new knickname. I'm a stocky guy. I have been all my life. I've heard it all when it comes to taunts about my size/body so it doesn't get to me but I act like it does. I turn on the whiny voice and tell him to save it, I'm playing to have fun and not interested in get into a verbal pissing contest. I could see he's feeling really good about himself, getting under my skin and all. We line-up to take the face-off against each other. We're just about to put our sticks down and I say "good luck on the draw Stay Puff." This guy's face goes beat red. The puck hits the ice, I win the draw clean, the puck goes back to our d-man, I go to the net and convert the beautiful slap pass from the d-man. While we're celebrating in the goal crease, Stay Puff skates by. I call out to him "Hey Stay Puff, you'd be a great player if it weren't for loft!" Stay Puff replies sharply "Loft?" I say "Yeah, loft.....lack of fucking talent!"

[Gwyren 0]

A 5'4", 95 lb girl yelling at the ref "But he does not have a dick to worry about!"

This was in regards to a 6'4", 185lb guy who had been knocking her to the ice all night and she had just been called for hooking, with her stick in between his legs.

[jeffw 1]

Playing drop in the morning of the USA-Canada gold medal game. I broke out the Team USA miracle on ice replica jersey for the game.

We're getting killed but I get one in on a one timer from the slot.

From the other bench...Do you believe in miracles?! YES!!!!

[zebra_steve 11]

Skating a U19 girls game a couple years ago... Girl goes in on a breakaway and tries to go 5 hole... no dice.... as the shooter skated past the goalies bench one of goalies teammates yells, "You don't wanna shoot on her 5 hole... we'll never find the puck!" Lots of interesting trash talk in that game....

[mug25 2]

Some little skinny guy called me "fatass" after I scored on a slapshot from the top of the circle. He thought it was funny. I guess fat jokes are what the people with no creativity come up with.

Needless to say he got a nice "accidental" elbow to the jaw later in the game and ended up sitting out the last 10 minutes of the period. His own teammates laughed at him for not wearing a cage and trash talking someone twice his size.

[Wallzy41 9]

At a stick and puck/ open hockey session(they're the same thing at my rink) This 35 year old starts swinging at a 16 year old on my team. needless to say, we send our goons out and send him a message. Senor 35's friend comes out and shoves a goon... Brennan(a kid on my bench) yells to him... You're 35 and still playing stick and shoot? The guy stops dead and flips him off before being escorted.

[Hawkeye 0]

A couple weeks ago we are playing a A league team as a fill in for a team that couldn't show. We're a lower B, high C team and these guys are taking us to the wood shed. with 3 mintues left on a running clock there still firing slappers from 5 feet out. Real A-holes. Final score is 8-1 and this fat chick is in the stands cheering for them them says to me "You guys really suck"

My response "If I were your boyfriend I'd keep you locked in the closet Chunk"

[Fire0nIce228 1]

At a stick and puck/ open hockey session(they're the same thing at my rink) This 35 year old starts swinging at a 16 year old on my team. needless to say, we send our goons out and send him a message. Senor 35's friend comes out and shoves a goon... Brennan(a kid on my bench) yells to him... You're 35 and still playing stick and shoot? The guy stops dead and flips him off before being escorted.

First off, its open hockey/ stick and puck so why is someone 'swinging' on someone else? Secondly, you have 'goons' on your open hockey team and sent them out to send a message...at open hockey. Third, wait till you're 35 and still have the desire and passion to get out on the ice and play hockey whenever you can. Im not really sure what the hell that means, theres always a ton of middle age men at pickup/ sticktime/ etc. at the rinks I've been to. I can't figure out who in this story ate the most glue as a child.

[furlanitalia 1]

The drop in I go to consists of mostly 30+ yr old men, some of which get quite irate and take it way to seriously. It doesn't surprise me that he got swung at (I took a cross check to the collarbone two weeks ago for a poke check) but I have to agree that having goons is a bit of a joke lol. People need to chill out and just play.

[sitzlejd 0]

First off, its open hockey/ stick and puck so why is someone 'swinging' on someone else? Secondly, you have 'goons' on your open hockey team and sent them out to send a message...at open hockey. Third, wait till you're 35 and still have the desire and passion to get out on the ice and play hockey whenever you can. Im not really sure what the hell that means, theres always a ton of middle age men at pickup/ sticktime/ etc. at the rinks I've been to. I can't figure out who in this story ate the most glue as a child.

I was just wondering why a 35-year-old was swinging at a 16-year-old, no matter what the situation. That calls for an arrest I would think.

[jaybird 0]

I tease my buddies who play on other teams (adult beer leagues) when they miss shots in my best imitation Hispanic voice, "your pesos are no good here!" Not really trash talk I guess... picked it up playing quarters at a party from my super drunk brother...

[nexusrage21 1]

If someone misses a shot I like to say "Looks like you missed that one."

If they lose the puck I say, "Hey you don't have it anymore."

If they fall down I say, "Hey you fell down."

But If I get really, really mad I say, "Hey you're no good."

Quietly.

[adam14 182]

"you play, you play, you play, you don't play real good."

[n3ss 0]

"you play, you play, you play, you don't play real good."

got somethign to that effect at pickup once..

some DIII college guy told me my defense didn't work.

this was when i was still learning to skate / play

[skyscrape 5]

I tease my buddies who play on other teams (adult beer leagues) when they miss shots in my best imitation Hispanic voice, "your pesos are no good here!" Not really trash talk I guess... picked it up playing quarters at a party from my super drunk brother...

That is hilarious!

[fatwabbit 93]

hmmm how about trash talking with your own team mates?

Female team mate asks: "wheres my water bottle?" .... reply: "oh, its right here next to my ass... just keeping it warm for you"

Linemate who doesnt pass, and fanned TWICE on clean breakaway: "its hard to get good control of the puck tonight"... reply: "and whats the difference from how you normally play???""

Told a few refs before as they passed the bench 'hey man, get out of the way, we cant see the game from here'

But... i'm going to use the "your pesos are no good here"... just hard to get the right Mexican accent when my Singaporean/Australian/American accent is already screwed... someone even told me that I sound Irish sometimes... man, I'm f-ed

[skyscrape 5]

I tease my buddies who play on other teams (adult beer leagues) when they miss shots in my best imitation Hispanic voice, "your pesos are no good here!" Not really trash talk I guess... picked it up playing quarters at a party from my super drunk brother...

I used it tonight at drop in and had everyone on the ice crying! Best part was that I sounded like Speedy Gonzales when I said it!

[fatwabbit 93]

I actually used it in the office after I posted the previous reply... good laugh about all the shit we're going thru.